Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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Wildcat
Major
Awesome Wayne 
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
LMAO!!!!!!!
A bit of Christmas cheer..
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
fubar57
General
Geo
A STUDENT ASKED HIS ENGLISH PROFESSOR, "WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A DILEMMA.
"THE PROFESSOR SAID, "WELL, THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN AN EXAMPLE TO ILLUSTRATE THAT
"IMAGINE THAT YOU ARE LAYING IN A BIG BED WITH A BEAUTIFUL NAKED YOUNG WOMAN ON ONE SIDE AND A GAY MAN ON THE OTHER."
"WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TURN YOUR BACK ON?"
"THE PROFESSOR SAID, "WELL, THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN AN EXAMPLE TO ILLUSTRATE THAT
"IMAGINE THAT YOU ARE LAYING IN A BIG BED WITH A BEAUTIFUL NAKED YOUNG WOMAN ON ONE SIDE AND A GAY MAN ON THE OTHER."
"WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TURN YOUR BACK ON?"
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
michaelmaltby
Colonel
It's Friday when a man gets his paycheque and decides he's going out on the town to party. He doesn't bother calling his wife for three days... Sunday comes around and he's managed to spend all of his money on booze. He comes home and his wife is naturally furious. She berates him for two solid hours about his irresponsibility and lack of respect. She finally ends off with saying, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for three days?" Sure enough Monday arrived and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday, again he didn't see her... by Wednesday the swelling went down and he could see her a little...
The Precious BMW
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit
the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly
about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my BMW!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer.
"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that
your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my God," replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder
where his arm once was.
"Where's my Rolex?"
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit
the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly
about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my BMW!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer.
"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that
your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my God," replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder
where his arm once was.
"Where's my Rolex?"
Crimea_River
Marshal
.
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
WELCOME TO THE SOUTH FACTS:
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
6. "Jawl-P?" means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
7. People actually grow, eat and like okra and collards.
8. "Fixinto" is one word. It means "I'm going to do that".
9. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
10. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
11. "Backwards and forwards" means I know everything about you.
12. The word "jeet" is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
13. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
14. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
15. "Ya'll" is mostly singular. "All ya'll" is always plural.
16. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
17. You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
18. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, tabasco and ketchup.
19. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
20. Everyone you meet is a: Darlin', Honey, Sugar, Baby, or Miss (first name) or Mr. (first name).
21. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
22. You know what a hissy fit is..
23. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
24. We don't need no Driver's Ed. If our Mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
25. NEVER dispute or say anything bad about Mama!
(I LOVE BEING SOUTHERN! COULDN'T IMAGINE IT ANY OTHER WAY!)
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
6. "Jawl-P?" means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
7. People actually grow, eat and like okra and collards.
8. "Fixinto" is one word. It means "I'm going to do that".
9. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
10. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
11. "Backwards and forwards" means I know everything about you.
12. The word "jeet" is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
13. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
14. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
15. "Ya'll" is mostly singular. "All ya'll" is always plural.
16. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
17. You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
18. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, tabasco and ketchup.
19. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
20. Everyone you meet is a: Darlin', Honey, Sugar, Baby, or Miss (first name) or Mr. (first name).
21. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
22. You know what a hissy fit is..
23. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
24. We don't need no Driver's Ed. If our Mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
25. NEVER dispute or say anything bad about Mama!
(I LOVE BEING SOUTHERN! COULDN'T IMAGINE IT ANY OTHER WAY!)
