Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter v2
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
michaelmaltby
Colonel
Holy Sh.....forget it....
During excavations, Russian archaeologists found pieces of telephone wire at a depth of 100 yards. The Russians concluded that a 1000 years ago, the old russians already used the telephone.
American archaeologists found remains of fiberglass at a depth of 200 yards. They concluded that the native American already used fiberglass optics 2000 years ago.
Dutch archaeologists have been digging to a depth of 500 yards and found absolutely nothing. They concluded that 5000 years ago, the Dutch already used WIFI.....
American archaeologists found remains of fiberglass at a depth of 200 yards. They concluded that the native American already used fiberglass optics 2000 years ago.
Dutch archaeologists have been digging to a depth of 500 yards and found absolutely nothing. They concluded that 5000 years ago, the Dutch already used WIFI.....
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Glad you liked David.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one!
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one!
muscogeemike
Senior Airman
In today's news, people all over the world continue to act like idiots.
Most of the time this doesn't turn out well.
For details, look in your mirror.
Most of the time this doesn't turn out well.
For details, look in your mirror.
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
What do you mean "acting"?
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
I thought that I'd nailed it quite good, oh well....
A testimony to true friendship is...
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight. What in the world did you bring him home for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."!!
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight. What in the world did you bring him home for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."!!
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
I've been the friend in that situation. And I'm STILL not married.
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward,
then backwards, forward, then backwards again...... back and forth...
back and forth..... in and out.......
She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling
down the small of her back.
She was getting near to the end.
Her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
"Okay, Okay!!! I can't park the car!!! You do it, you smug bastard!!!"
then backwards, forward, then backwards again...... back and forth...
back and forth..... in and out.......
She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling
down the small of her back.
She was getting near to the end.
Her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
"Okay, Okay!!! I can't park the car!!! You do it, you smug bastard!!!"
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Kansas State trooper pulled a car over on K-25 about 2 miles south of
the Nebraska/Kansas State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he
was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on
his way to Colby, KS to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want
to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if
the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him
a ticket.
He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have
anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could
juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit
them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. Lee,
a drunken good old boy from Atwood KS got out, watched the performance,
then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the
door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied,
"You might as well take my ass to jail, 'cause there ain't no way I can
pass that test."
the Nebraska/Kansas State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he
was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on
his way to Colby, KS to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want
to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if
the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him
a ticket.
He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have
anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could
juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit
them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. Lee,
a drunken good old boy from Atwood KS got out, watched the performance,
then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the
door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied,
"You might as well take my ass to jail, 'cause there ain't no way I can
pass that test."
