Quotes and Jokes
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A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds. The breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze. Perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those "feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, "take the dog for a nice walk."
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds. The breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze. Perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those "feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, "take the dog for a nice walk."
A4K
Brigadier General
After checking the net to see who she is, agree with Wojtek's post!
Crimea_River
Marshal
Bob was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily.
"What's up Bob?" asked the bartender…
It's not like you to be so down in the mouth."
"It's my five year old son…" the man replied.
"Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school?
My lad's just the same – forget about it;
it happens to boys that age,"
said the bartender, sympathetically.
" I only wish it was that," continued the customer,
" but it's far worse than that. The little devil has got our
gorgeous 22 year old next door neighbour pregnant."
"Get away, that's impossible!"
gasped the bartender .
"It's not," said the man.
"The little bastard stuck a pin in all my condoms!!"
"What's up Bob?" asked the bartender…
It's not like you to be so down in the mouth."
"It's my five year old son…" the man replied.
"Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school?
My lad's just the same – forget about it;
it happens to boys that age,"
said the bartender, sympathetically.
" I only wish it was that," continued the customer,
" but it's far worse than that. The little devil has got our
gorgeous 22 year old next door neighbour pregnant."
"Get away, that's impossible!"
gasped the bartender .
"It's not," said the man.
"The little bastard stuck a pin in all my condoms!!"
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
at6
1st Sergeant
That was worth my bacon for the day because it is so true.
michaelmaltby
Colonel
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Love it!
Jeff Hunt
1st Lieutenant
A big fat ugly woman walks into a bar. After letting her eyes adjust to the darkness she spots an attractive male sitting alone at the bar. She sits down on the stool beside him and after a minute she asks him for his number. He turns to her and asks her if she has a pen to which she immediately responds that she does.
With that the fella says " well you had better get back to it before the farmer notices that you are gone".
Cheers,
Jeff
With that the fella says " well you had better get back to it before the farmer notices that you are gone".
Cheers,
Jeff
