Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
I know its an oldie but it cracks me up every time!
Quotes and Jokes (7 Viewers)
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Yeah good laugh glad to read it again NJ...
Now thats one hell of an insult Sys...
Now thats one hell of an insult Sys...
Velius
Airman 1st Class
One I read a few moments ago...
WWII Pep Talk
Sergeant: "Out there is your enemy. He has made your life miserable, he is working to destroy you, and he has been trying to kill you every day throughout this war!"
Private: "You mean our cook has gone over to the Germans?!"
WWII Pep Talk
Sergeant: "Out there is your enemy. He has made your life miserable, he is working to destroy you, and he has been trying to kill you every day throughout this war!"
Private: "You mean our cook has gone over to the Germans?!"
DOUGRD
Staff Sergeant
Konigstiger205
Staff Sergeant
Funny stuff guys!
nice..!
- Thread starter
- #748
Post Office Interview
A guy goes into the Post Office to interview for a job.
The interviewer asks him "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says "Why yes, in fact I served two tours in Viet Nam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8:00 to 4:00. Come on in about 10:00 and we'll get you started."
The guy says "If working hours are from 8:00 to 4:00, why do you want me to come at 10:00?"
"Well, here at the post office we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our b**** for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"
A guy goes into the Post Office to interview for a job.
The interviewer asks him "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says "Why yes, in fact I served two tours in Viet Nam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8:00 to 4:00. Come on in about 10:00 and we'll get you started."
The guy says "If working hours are from 8:00 to 4:00, why do you want me to come at 10:00?"
"Well, here at the post office we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our b**** for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"
Nice one V2....
A4K
Brigadier General
Two drunks at the bar. One of them sees a dog licking his balls in the corner.
"I wish I could do that" he says.
"Give 'im a biscuit, he might let ya" says his mate.
"I wish I could do that" he says.
"Give 'im a biscuit, he might let ya" says his mate.
DOUGRD
Staff Sergeant
DOUGRD
Staff Sergeant
If everyone here will excuse me for posting a repeat I'd like to post another version of the joke Wayne Little posted at #711...
A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satify a female of any species.
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would think the matter over carefully. The following day he announced that he would accept their offer but only under four conditions.
"First", said Bobby Lee, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "You can't tell no one about this"
The Keeper again readily agreed.
"Third" Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist."
Once again it was agreed.
And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00"
A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satify a female of any species.
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would think the matter over carefully. The following day he announced that he would accept their offer but only under four conditions.
"First", said Bobby Lee, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "You can't tell no one about this"
The Keeper again readily agreed.
"Third" Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist."
Once again it was agreed.
And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00"
DOUGRD
Staff Sergeant
I think I've watched Jeff Foxworthy too much...(For those of you who don't know Jeff, he's a comedian who tells mostly "Redneck" jokes.)
My favorite one is: "If your richest relative buys a new home and you go over to help him take the wheels off it, you may be a redneck."
" If your father walks you to school every day because you're in the same grade, you may be a redneck."
"If you refer to the fifth grade as My senior year, you may be a redneck."
My favorite one is: "If your richest relative buys a new home and you go over to help him take the wheels off it, you may be a redneck."
" If your father walks you to school every day because you're in the same grade, you may be a redneck."
"If you refer to the fifth grade as My senior year, you may be a redneck."
George the Mailman
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
DOUGRD
Staff Sergeant
Another classic worth repeating!
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
You might be a Redneck if your Grandmother comes out of the bathroom and yells, "Hey, yall, cumere and look at this one!"
.....If your house is mobile and your car ain't.
.....if someone stops by and asks if your having a yard sale...every day of the week!
.....if your family tree don't fork.
.....If your house is mobile and your car ain't.
.....if someone stops by and asks if your having a yard sale...every day of the week!
.....if your family tree don't fork.
A4K
Brigadier General
An old Arab classic (love this one!) :
زمان* کورد* له *گه*شه*دا*ه
ئه*وه* به*ش* کورد** پر?ژه**ه*ک* ن?ونه*ته*وه**** کراوه**ه** و ئامانج*
ک?کردنه*وه** هه*موو زان*ار***ه*کان* مر??ه*. به* هه*و??ک* هاوبه*ش ئه*و
ئه*نس*کل?پ?د*ا به*لاشه* گه*شه* ده**کا. هه*مووان ده*توانن *ب? خ?ناونووس
کردن
به*شدار* بکه*ن له* نووس*ن* ئه*و ئه*نس*کل?پ?د*ا*ه*. ئ?وه* ئه*و
ئه*نس*کل?پ?د*ا*ه ده*نووسن هه*ر .ر?ژ
و*ک*پ?د*ا*
کورد* له* گه*شه* کردن*دا*ه. ئ?ستا گوتار* كورد* ت?دا*ه به زاراوه*کان*:
كرمانج*, س?ران* و زازاک*
ScOoTeR1992
Senior Airman
ok A4K whats the catch i don't speak arab
A4K
Brigadier General
The punchline: ..So the waiter says "Hey! That's not a duck !" (applause)
(...Thankyou, thankyou, you've been a wonderful audience!...)
(...Thankyou, thankyou, you've been a wonderful audience!...)
Some great jokes...Guys..
Evan, be careful man, Dan might "ban ur *ss" for spam!! or at the very least grafitti....
Evan, be careful man, Dan might "ban ur *ss" for spam!!
or at the very least grafitti....
