Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
A4K! Thats great!!...can't ....breath....laughing...too....oh man, wonderful!!
Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter v2
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
a 16yo boy comes home with a huge grin on his face
"what you so happy for" say's his dad
"just had sex for the first time" he replies
"great" say's the dad "i'll get you a new bike to celebrate but you'll have to wait till pay day"
"no probs dad my arse is so sore i wont be able to ride it yet anyway"
"what you so happy for" say's his dad
"just had sex for the first time" he replies
"great" say's the dad "i'll get you a new bike to celebrate but you'll have to wait till pay day"
"no probs dad my arse is so sore i wont be able to ride it yet anyway"
- Thread starter
- #763
An old man is celebrating his 70th birthday. After the cake and party is done, he has all of his grandchildren sit around as he tells a story of his younger days.
"When I turned 20, my friends and I decided to go to Africa one summer to hunt lions for fun. We were young and loved adventure. So one day, while my friends and I were out with our rifles searching for lions, I started to feel a bit sleepy. I told my friends to go ahead of me as I rested under the shade of a tree. Then, as I slowly opened my eyes a few minutes later, I saw the biggest lion I had ever laid my eyes on in the distance charging at me....coming closer...and closer....and closer.....as I reached for my rifle, the lion jumped and ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR.......I sh!tted my pants."
His youngest grandchild feeling sorry for his grandfather, puts his hand on his grandfather's knee and says, "Grandpa, if I were you and a big scary lion was charging at me, I would also crap my pants."
At this, the grandfather turns to the child and says, "No, son, just now when I said "ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR" I sh!tted my pants."
"When I turned 20, my friends and I decided to go to Africa one summer to hunt lions for fun. We were young and loved adventure. So one day, while my friends and I were out with our rifles searching for lions, I started to feel a bit sleepy. I told my friends to go ahead of me as I rested under the shade of a tree. Then, as I slowly opened my eyes a few minutes later, I saw the biggest lion I had ever laid my eyes on in the distance charging at me....coming closer...and closer....and closer.....as I reached for my rifle, the lion jumped and ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR.......I sh!tted my pants."
His youngest grandchild feeling sorry for his grandfather, puts his hand on his grandfather's knee and says, "Grandpa, if I were you and a big scary lion was charging at me, I would also crap my pants."
At this, the grandfather turns to the child and says, "No, son, just now when I said "ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR" I sh!tted my pants."
A4K
Brigadier General
Ha ha, what a loser RRRROOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!
...Oops, excuse me a moment...
...Oops, excuse me a moment...
When it was raining a young John was gamming hide-and-seek with his brother and sister.Unfortunately all hiding-places at his home were well-known to his siblings.One day having no choice he jumped under his Grandma's big skirt.Nobody has found him for long time.An houre later he decided to come out into the open.His sister and brother were very surprised of his idea.Johny looked at them and then at his grandmother and asked:
What is that you have there under the skirt, Grannie?
Being very embarrassed the old woman answered - A pussycat, my dear boy.
Wow .... cried out John.It must be a very old kitty because it stinks a lot.And what is more it has been dead for long time ,its tongue is moved forward from the muzzle.
A4K
Brigadier General
Does Jola know you tell jokes like that, Wojtek ??
A4K
Brigadier General
You did well there then, mate! If I even start to tell one, Ivett just looks at me and says "Wait - is this going to be one of your bad jokes again ..?"
A4K
Brigadier General
Good on ya, mate! Ivett is very patient with me too, I have to say. I'm very happy to have her!
A4K
Brigadier General
Have a good weekend guys, I'm off home now.
You too mate....almost time for bed here 11.45pm, almost Saturday...
Matt308
Glock Perfection
WORLD WAR III IS COMING
President Bush decides to leave the White House and go out to sit in a local bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush sitting at the end of the bar?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?'
Bush says, ' I'm planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?
Why kill a blonde with big tits?'
Bush turns to the bartender and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a **** about the 140 million Muslims'.
President Bush decides to leave the White House and go out to sit in a local bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush sitting at the end of the bar?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?'
Bush says, ' I'm planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?
Why kill a blonde with big tits?'
Bush turns to the bartender and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a **** about the 140 million Muslims'.
wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Damn thats funny!!
parsifal
Colonel
An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?"
"I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old guy. "I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well."
"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?"
"Who said my Dad's dead?"
The doctor is amazed "You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"
"He's 100 years old," says the old Italian golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, that's why he's still alive ... he's Italian and he's a golfer, too."
"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died ?"
"Who said my grandpa's dead?"
Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?"
"He's 118 years old," says the old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"
"I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old guy. "I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well."
"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?"
"Who said my Dad's dead?"
The doctor is amazed "You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"
"He's 100 years old," says the old Italian golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, that's why he's still alive ... he's Italian and he's a golfer, too."
"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died ?"
"Who said my grandpa's dead?"
Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?"
"He's 118 years old," says the old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"
One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it, behind her.
Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a smile and a little wink as Johnny closed the door. After business was finished, Dad went to check on little Johnny.
He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.
Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!"
Little Johnny replied, "It's not so funny when it's YOUR mom, is it?"
Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a smile and a little wink as Johnny closed the door. After business was finished, Dad went to check on little Johnny.
He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.
Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!"
Little Johnny replied, "It's not so funny when it's YOUR mom, is it?"
