Quotes and Jokes
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
A SHORT LOVE STORY
A man and a woman who had never met before,
But who were both married to other people,
Found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
Room on a Trans-continental train.
Sharing a room, they were both very tired and
Fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth
And she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke
The woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,
But would you be willing to reach into the closet
To get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight,
let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"'Good", she replied "Get your own f….ing blanket."
After a moment of silence,
He farted.
A man and a woman who had never met before,
But who were both married to other people,
Found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
Room on a Trans-continental train.
Sharing a room, they were both very tired and
Fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth
And she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke
The woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,
But would you be willing to reach into the closet
To get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight,
let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"'Good", she replied "Get your own f….ing blanket."
After a moment of silence,
He farted.
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's a mixed feeling?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty B@stards.
A4K
Brigadier General
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Wayne's got a surplus of Christmas Crackers I see .......................
Yep!
michaelmaltby
Colonel
On beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
two Italian men and one Italian woman
two French men and one French woman
two German men and one German woman
two Greek men and one Greek woman
two English men and one English woman
two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
two American men and one American woman
two Irish men and one Irish woman
One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/ restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
two Italian men and one Italian woman
two French men and one French woman
two German men and one German woman
two Greek men and one Greek woman
two English men and one English woman
two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
two American men and one American woman
two Irish men and one Irish woman
One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/ restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO!
