Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)
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Crimea_River
Marshal
Why do you never see an elephant hiding in a tree?
They are very good at it.
They are very good at it.
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Yer coat's on that branch over there .....................
Andy does make a good point....
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
Yup!
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
And you wonder why I'm not married.
A journalist calls the Australian cricket team dressing room, "can I have a quick interview with the opening batsman please ?"
"Sorry mate, they've just gone out to bat"
Ok no problem, I'll hold !"
"Sorry mate, they've just gone out to bat"
Ok no problem, I'll hold !"
yep
A4K
Brigadier General
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
The Robot Bartender
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed
that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir,
what will you have?"
The man thought a moment then replied. "A martini
please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man
had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
The man
answered, "Oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of
relativity' 'inter-stellar space travel' and 'the latest medical
breakthroughs.
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he
would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked
and asked what he would have. He responded, "A Martini please."
Again it was
superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"
This time the man
answered, "Oh, about 100".
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the
latest basketball scores and what to expect the Dodgers to do this
weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took
a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"
This time the
man drawled out "Uh, 'bout 50".
The robot clicked then leaned close and very
slowly asked,
"A-r-e? Y-o-u-r? P-e-o-p-l-e? R-e-a-l-l-y? G-o-i-n-g?
T-o? N-o-m-i-n-a-t-e? H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed
that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir,
what will you have?"
The man thought a moment then replied. "A martini
please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man
had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
The man
answered, "Oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of
relativity' 'inter-stellar space travel' and 'the latest medical
breakthroughs.
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he
would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked
and asked what he would have. He responded, "A Martini please."
Again it was
superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"
This time the man
answered, "Oh, about 100".
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the
latest basketball scores and what to expect the Dodgers to do this
weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took
a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"
This time the
man drawled out "Uh, 'bout 50".
The robot clicked then leaned close and very
slowly asked,
"A-r-e? Y-o-u-r? P-e-o-p-l-e? R-e-a-l-l-y? G-o-i-n-g?
T-o? N-o-m-i-n-a-t-e? H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
This one has just won the 'Best Joke' award at the Edinburgh Fringe :
"I've deleted all the German names from my mobile 'phone. It's Hans free !"
"I've deleted all the German names from my mobile 'phone. It's Hans free !"
A4K
Brigadier General
Were there no other contestants Terry? 
