vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Hey, we're not paying for that!
On the bright side I hear Vancouver is awesome!
On the bright side I hear Vancouver is awesome!
Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)
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Crimea_River
Marshal
Crimea_River
Marshal
at6
1st Sergeant
Hillary walked into the room naked. A little voice behind Bill's zipper screamed,"Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!"
michaelmaltby
Colonel
QUIZ
Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinski
2. Bill Clinton
3. Hillary Clinton
4. Adolph Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Winnie Mandela
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods
You had trouble with #5?
You know all the criminals, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope?? Lovely, just lovely!
Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinski
2. Bill Clinton
3. Hillary Clinton
4. Adolph Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Winnie Mandela
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods
You had trouble with #5?
You know all the criminals, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope?? Lovely, just lovely!
Crimea_River
Marshal
michaelmaltby
Colonel
World-Wide Telephone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted
by the UN. The only question asked was:- "Would you please
give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure—why? – because:
In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand , Canada , and Great Britain . . .
everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted
by the UN. The only question asked was:- "Would you please
give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure—why? – because:
In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand , Canada , and Great Britain . . .
everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
My brother sent me this one:
Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she
then would have asked 'about what?' At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby,
painful and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.
Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she
then would have asked 'about what?' At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby,
painful and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.
Crimea_River
Marshal
Simple male logic with liquid facilitation wins out every time
Last edited:
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Yep !
Excellent series of funnies guys...
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
at6
1st Sergeant
at6
1st Sergeant
How does California get rid of its garbage? We send it to D.C as a senator.
