Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

[Wurger]

 

[ARTESH]

Ok everyone! Stand back!

ََA click-bait title would be like:

The world's record of throwing airplanes with 1 hand has been broken!!!

Chomp!

And for this one would be like:

This chopper will cut your hands!!!

 

[special ed]

Warning!!
Dad Joke:
A little girl walks into the kitchen and says to her mother, "Mum, can I tell you something?" "Of course" "Yesterday, when I was on the bus with Dad, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." "That's good sweety, you did the right thing." "But Mum, I was sitting on Dad's lap."

 

[special ed]

Warning!!
Another dad joke:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. I knew a man who was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

 

[Wurger]

 

[ARTESH]

Warning!!
Another dad joke:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. I knew a man who was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

I can't say RIP to this one, but I can say: Rest in High Heels! ... Oops! sorry, my bad English! I meant Burning Hell! Yeah.

 

[ARTESH]

میدونید چینیا به دوقلو چی میگن؟ میگن: این چون اون؛ اون چون این

Do you know how Chinese call twins? Answer: This like that, that like this.

معلم جغرافی: 3 تا کشور نام ببر! دانش اموز: اروپا، افریقا، آسیا

Geography teacher: Name 3 countries! Student: Europe, Africa, Asia.

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[ThomasP]

Earlier today I was sitting in a Perkins restaurant waiting for a call from work. There was the usual subdued murmuring conversations doing on, and I heard a child (maybe 6 or 7 years old) say the following to his mom and dad:

"If people can see water but we can't see air, does that mean fish can see air but can't see water?"

You could have heard the crickets chirping outside for a few seconds after that, if there were crickets in the parking lot or street.

 

[ThomasP]

 

[michaelmaltby]

 

[special ed]

Warning!
Grandfather joke:
A Grandfather made time every weekend to spend with his son's family. Every Saturday morning he would take his five year old granddaughter for a drive to get pancakes, ice cream or candy. One particular Saturday he had a cold and stayed in bed, so Grandma took the granddaughter for her drive and breakfast. When they returned, the little girl raced upstairs to see her Grandfather. "Did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?" "Not really, PaPa it was boring. We didn't see a single dumb shit, a$$hole, moron, horse's ass or stupid son of a bitch anywhere we went! Grandma just smiled at everyone. I didn't really have any fun."

 

[buffnut453]

Concerned Father: My son has started eating electrical cables. What should I do?

Agony Aunt: Ground him until he conducts himself properly.

 

[Wurger]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[michaelmaltby]

 

[Airframes]

I went to a local Indian restaurant last night, and decided to try something different. So, I asked the waiter what he'd recommend.
He suggested Chicken Tarka.
Never heard of it, so he explained " It's like chicken Tikka, but a little 'otter".
Yeah, I've got me coat ..................

 

[syscom3]

 

[Wurger]