mikewint
Captain
ABW, you bet, hard to fly without wings
Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)
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Maestro
Master Sergeant
I'll try to tranlate that one into English the best I can...
Q : Do you know why truck drivers don't have many children ?
A : Because they always pull back before dumping.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO!
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an swear word. Those that weren't swear words were, to say the least, very rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and became even more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly, there was quiet - not a sound for half a minute. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."
David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "What the hell did the chicken do?"
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and became even more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly, there was quiet - not a sound for half a minute. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."
David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "What the hell did the chicken do?"
Maestro
Master Sergeant
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Heh. The chicken, he crossed the road. Baaad chicken.
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
"You may be sorry that you spoke, sorry you stayed or went, sorry you won or lost, sorry so much was spent. But as you go through life, you'll find - you're never sorry you were kind."
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Maestro
Master Sergeant
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Two men are driving through Saskatchewan when they get pulled over by a Mountie. The Mountie walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "What the hell was that for?" The Mountie says, "You're in Saskatchewan son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The Mountie runs a check on the guys license, and he's clean. He gives the
guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks him with the nightstick too. The passenger says, What'd you do that for?"
The Mountie says, "Just making your wish come true." The Passenger says,
"huh?" The Mountie says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna
say, "I wish that ******* would've tried that **** with me."
The driver says, "What the hell was that for?" The Mountie says, "You're in Saskatchewan son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The Mountie runs a check on the guys license, and he's clean. He gives the
guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks him with the nightstick too. The passenger says, What'd you do that for?"
The Mountie says, "Just making your wish come true." The Passenger says,
"huh?" The Mountie says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna
say, "I wish that ******* would've tried that **** with me."
