Your Funny, Humorous or Incredible Military Stories

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I like Cougar's story above... which turned out to be the bigger pain, the headache (if that didn't ring your bell hard enough to inflict a concussion, it must have been close), or the following eleven years of harassment?
 
It was decided to simulate no runway lights in an opeval so they broke out the keroseme flare pots. So it was decided one guy would drive the truck and the other would light the pots and and place them along side the runway as the other drove. Being enterprising people they lit them all in the back of the pick up to save time as opposed to lighting one at a time. Well one side of the runway was completed upon turning to do the other side a couple of lit flare pots tumbled , they spilt out the kerosene and the whole box of the truck was in flames nothing serious but it looked spectacular . Not wanting to draw anymore attention to this dilemna they decided to drive to the fire hall rather then make the call over the radio. I do believe it was the first time the fire guys ever had a fire delivered to them
 
In Vietnam, my father worked on the flight deck of the USS Ranger. The ship was in port somewhere in the far east, I forget which country. One day he drew I guess what was the duty of going about the ship and replacing out of date fire extinguishers. He was out on the walkway on the outside of the ship, right below the flight deck. He grabbed a fire extinguisher, threw in on over his shoulder, lost his grip, and dropped the extinguisher over the side of the ship. The extinguisher fell down to the water, and went right through the bottom of a family's little boat. It was a little wooden boat, like you always see in any movie from the far east. Sunk the boat, and the all the people had to swim to shore. Dad felt bad, as he worried that that boat may have been the only thing the people may have owned.
 
He laughs about it now, it's a funny story to hear him talk about.
He has one sunk boat to his credit for his military service! Might be the only flight deck worker to have sunk a boat!
 
I have a few tales to tell, mostly amusing
I had the job of showing a new mech round the Lincoln. While showing what to do and not to do, the NAAFI wagon rolled up. It was a cold day, so we took our coffee and buns up into the nose out of the wind. We were chatting away, when the new lad, before I could stop him, poured his coffee dregs down what appeared to be a drain in the floor. It wasn't a drain, oh no, there was a bang and a thud and a ten man dinghy popped out of the wing root. The look alike drain was the flotation switch in case of a ditching, I had to put him on a technical charge, he got 7 days confined to camp and had to pay £5 towards the labour of replacing it. Well, it DID look like a drain!!!!

Ken
 
i got one but it's not the armed services i'm in the Air-Cadets only started last year and last year i was on my JGST(Junior General Service Training) camp and i was petrified of higher ranks cause i would ALWAYS forget who to salute and all on my second last day i was helping a friend to the medic we were kinda marching/walking in a single file and i was carrying a fold up chair and this thing was pretty heavy and i'm walking along i see the AAFC Wing Commander coming towards us and instinctively i halted and salute him but i was carrying the chair in the wrong arm i saluted him and in doing so i half threw the chair and got his shoes which he polishes NO quick shines there struck his shoes and i was shating myself expecting to have my ears ripped off and all but nope all he did was just say "this is your first time i see" and i just stood there long story short i just had to get the scratches out which took me a good hour or so but i got excused from drill and my flights grilling for doing something wrong

another one last year we had a wing banner passing out parade all of the squadrons in the wing came together and i rolled mi ankle on the second day and this little cute corporal chick was helping me into the mess and this Warrant Officer comes up to me and says "Leading-Cadet you will do anything to get your arms around a girl won't you" and i said "no sir she is a bit short for me" and i look down and she is glaring at me and so i will never do that again
 
Four Canberra's were going on a training flight and I was in front of one controlling start up. I pointed to the port engine, thumbs up and the turbo starter fired with the usual bang and cloud of black smoke, the engine settled down at idle. I pointed to the starboard engine and all hell lets loose, the turbo starter exploded. Bits of turbine and blades went through the side of the fuselage and into No 1 tank, kerosene poured out on to the burning fragments of the cartridge and up it went! An emergency phone call to the fire section soon soon had their pride and joy, a brand new Rolls Royce fire engine, straight out of the box the day before. It halted in front of the Canberra and an erk in gents natty asbestos suiting complete with helmet jumped down with a huge hose and shouted, "Send it froo!" Noffink came froo! They had been so busy polishing their new toy, they hadn't filled it with foam! So it being mid winter and a cold day, we all stood warming our hands! Then the wheel hubs and cockpit coaming went up with a blinding flash of light, they were magnesium castings. Somebody mettered something about the ejector seats and we went back a few yards more, sure enough, there was a triple explosion and three steel tubes dragging the remains of the seats went about 200' into the air. It just burnt out and next morning there was a perfect silhouette of a Canberra burnt into the tarmac with two Rolls Royce Avons still i n sittue. A coupl of days later. there were new faces at the fire section!!!

Ken
 
Ok , here's another one that make me look like a idiot....On a long field exercise many years ago i was not allowed to use the "bathroom" without a buddy, or ground guide the whole time. Why you ask?.....I woke up one morning and it was too cold to move but i climbed out of the turret of my tank to relieve myself, as i was doing so i heard some grumbling, the some yelling..........my plt. sgt. and plt ldr. had been sleeping on the ground next to my tank...........yep thats right i pissed on them, they we're not pleased with me to say the least, but i was a hero to the other E.M's in my platoon........more to follow
 
Keep clean, use kerosene.
We had a Canberra with engine trouble, the same on both engines. The fault could not reproduced on the ground runs. Rolls Royce were contacted and in due course 'The Boffin' arrived and conducted a ground run after which she ws pushed back into the hangar. The 'boffin' told us in uncertain terms, to "Get the cowlings off, thats not my job". From then on he got up every bodie's nose! Then, my sgt collared me and said he'd been told that No's one and two fuel pumps in the bomb bay had been reported noisy and to see what I thought. I went to the cockpit door and as there were no warning notices, switched on the 24v power and switched No's one and two fuel pumps on, it was then I heard it, a gurgling noise and a shout that sounded like "Yarooh Rotter". So switched off quick! Then this "Apparition" appeared covered in kerosene from head to foot, couldn't have happened to a better man! He snarled at me and said. "I'm telling the Flt Sgt about this and squelched off. I heard this squelching noise again and he confronted me (still dripping) with the remark. " The Flt Sgt wants to see you, you are for it". He then squelched after me as I went to the office and tapped on the door. A stern voice bade me enter and shut the door and the 'boffin' squelched away. I went in and as I shut the door a broad grin split his face and he said. "When gets working on the starboard side, do it again, Ive told the CO and he's still laughing.

Ken
 




I hate pricks who are too full of themselves. When I was in the Navy, there was a group of "auditors" who would come down to random subs at the pier, and start rummaging through all the logs and paperwork and manuals and start asking questions of everybody. These guys, known as "Naval Reactors", were an insane nuisance, getting in the way of maintenance and just making a headache for everyone. We had two guys, though, that figured out a way to get back at them. (background info: the Shutdown Reactor Operator was in charge of the Maneuvering area, and no matter his rank he actually had the authority to tell people to leave) One guy, while sitting on watch one afternoon, heard that NR was on the boat. Sure enough, the guy appeared at the chain across the doorway into Maneuvering, and "request permission to enter" was mumbled while he was unlatching the chain...only to hear the SRO tell him "denied". He sputtered and fumed and turned really really red...but the officer on duty backed up the SRO, told the NR guy that he was a distraction from the SRO's watchstation. He stormed off the boat as pissed as hell!

Another guy, after allowing the guy to enter, sat for about two minutes with this NR guy leafing through his logs and asking pointless questions about entries that "weren't clearly legible". So the SRO quietly let a tiny fart slip. This particular guy, though, was known for having some of the rankest SBD's known to mankind (I tied with him on occasion). The NR guy started coughing, then nearly knocked the SRO out of his chair trying to get to the doorway. Didn't hear much from him the rest of that duty day.
 
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