Not sure what to do anymore... in need of guidance

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If the program he's going in to is halfway decent, they'll cover the topic of his circle of friends, making new ones, staying out of compromising situations, etc. Its not about just getting off the drugs. One can get away from just about anything. But when you plunk yourself right back into the same situations as before, you're not going to stay out for very long. Sure, there may be exceptions to the rule, but they're just that...exceptions. Your brother already has several pluses on his side, that I can see. First, he has parents that loves him and is willing to make the hard choices to help him. Don't ever think this is not tearing your folks apart inside. Secondly, he's got a rather remarkable brother who has enough influence in his life so that he was able to talk him into going into rehab, on his own choice, rather than being forced. He looks up to you, Harrison. That places a tremendous responsibility on your shoulders, and from what I've seen, getting to know you here, you are more than capable of handling that load. You love football, and are willing to give that up for him. Not many would do something for a brother (I would actually suggest encouraging him to pick a hobby/sport of his own, whether it be football or Tiddlywinks, and get involved in it...that's a great way to fill idle time...idle time is not really a good thing for him right now, too easy to slip back in to old habits). Third, he's got friends. As you said, there are those who have come forward wanting to help. Friends, true friends, are what he needs now. Encouragement, whether it be the latest joke email or a quick "hey, bud, whazzup?" in the hallway at school, its what will let him know he's not alone. Its not going to be easy. But he's got some tremendous advantages going for him already.
 
Wow...miss a day or two and a LOT happens...seems it's all been said Harrison....anyway I know I may be on the other side of the world and not much to offer but I 'm standing right beside you in spirit, just like all the other forum members mate, hope things work out for the best man....Stand Tall Ok!
 
Damn, just read your post Harry (not the replies yet though sorry).

Really sorry to hear this mate.
The only thing I can say is half the battle is in his head. (And that's not just fobbing off clever sayings. I used to be an alcoholic and my brother a druggy.)
 
Sorry Harrison that I haven't posted in the thread as I have had some of my own issues lately but I can only ditto what everyone has sai so far. I only wish I had your character and resolve when I was your age. Good for you and I hope your brother gets better!
 
I am sorry that I just found the thread Harrison. You are a great brother. There is going to be some rough storms ahead. All I can do is repete what has already been said. Prayer will help you through the rough times. Just remember that you are not responsible for your brother choices and you have an on line family that you can always talk to. Best of luck.

DBII
 
I echo what alot of others have said,be strong for you and your family, growing up I saw way too much of wasted youth and funerals that were drug related. Atleast he's getting help, He's got a long way to go and needs to accept the challenge of quiting,God knows we all have some darkness hidden in the closet...
 
Thanks so much everyone.

We sent him all the rest of his items he'll need for a month. I just slipped in a quick letter saying how proud I am of him, how his friends ask about him everyday, and how much I love him and will be with him every step of the way. One of the counselors called to say he was a bit homesick but almost everyone just getting there is. We get to talk to him today or tomorrow and I can't wait to talk to him. I didn't get to say goodbye because he didn't come home and was at a friends house when he was picked up by my dad.

Again, i appreciate everything you guys have said it means a lot to me
 
Another late comer but it is heart warming to see all the kind responses and good advice. A residential rehab can be a great way to get the tools he needs to stay drug free. But like others have said, it'll be up to him to use those tools. G'luck to your brother and your family.
Derek
 
I talked to him tonight!

He sounds sad at the moment but when I talked to him I told him I bought this hat he was asking for for quite some time and he seemed a bit happier. Once he makes friends though I think it will be a lot easier. He has no TV, Ipods, and such because I think they're trying to clear their mind.
 
Yep, get rid of all of the old outside influences and distractions, so that he can concentrate on what he needs to do. He's got a lot of hard decisions ahead of him (every minute will be another choice to stay clean), and some serious soul-searching. Its not going to be easy for him, and too much of today's media makes light of the drug/alcohol situation. But he's got a whole crew of folks there who are dedicated to getting him through this, and a family on the outside who are equally serious about helping him get clean. His odds are pretty darn good, all things considered.
 
If it is in your brother's mind to change and get away from the drugs, he will do it. I can say that as a recovered alcoholic/addict who has been clean and sober for 14 years this month. Nobody could tell me I had to do it, I had to be the one to want to make the change. It can be a tough battle and there may be ups and downs. The key thing to remember is that this is his problem, not yours. He has, and may again, hurt a lot of people around him. You can be supportive without being an enabler.

There are support groups for family members of alcoholics and addicts. Don't be afraid to reach out to one of those. There is no shame in it, and you will find that many people who are the family members feel the exact same things, hurt, shame, fear, etc. Aside from that, I can't be a whole lot of help as I was on the side of things that your brother is currently on. Finding a good sponsor and mentor goes a long way in recovery.
 
Harrison, everyone has pretty much said it all. Any type of addiction is very, very subtle and takes hold before you know it, always with the illusion that you are in control of the addiction rather than the other way around. Your brother will have to hit his personal bottom where ever that is and how ever far down it is. As others have said you can only control yourself. I can still remember my addiction to morphine in the army 40 years ago like it was yesterday and how very difficult it was to shake. Only I could make that choice and only I could walk through that particular H*ll. You and your brother will be in my thoughts and prayers
 
I've just picked this thread up Harrison and I've just got to say, you are one heck of a man and should be very proud of yourself. My thoughts and wishes are with you, you're brother and family. If your anything to go by, it is you with the help of family and friends that is going to get your brother through this and we guys are with you in thought and spirit every step of the way.
 
B-17engineer said:
...I told him I'll be there with him every step of the way and I'll even give up football to make sure he is doing the right thing...Most of his friends (the good ones) are supportive and even a few came over to talk to my mom and how they're going to help him when he gets back...
Click to expand...

Hey Harrison - does your footy club have teams for his year? Maybe he could go with you to one of your matches, when the time comes, for a look at least. Don't know if he's played before, or likes it, but he may find he has a good time both on the pitch and afterwards with all the camaraderie. Maybe that could be a way forward instead of you giving up sport. As has been said - getting involved in a sport/hobby will get him a whole new set of friends who are like minded and away from those who'd only too willingly see him relapse back to the old ways. I probably would give the old set a warning he won't be with them. If he's in doubt as to whether a new set will work or be worth it he could always read this thread (when appropriate) to see what many others accross the globe think.

Looked at the Cumberland Heights site too - certainly set in very nice surroundings. Like all the rocking chairs out on the veranda.
 
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