- Thread starter
- #81
B-17engineer
Colonel
Thanks so much guys, I get to talk to him again on Friday!
Not sure what to do anymore... in need of guidance
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RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
How have your conversations this week been so far?
- Thread starter
- #83
B-17engineer
Colonel
Well, they first told us he is calling on fridays. So we expected a call last night and they called saying its mondays now. So Monday I'll speak with him!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Waiting is always the worst.
Matt308
Glock Perfection
... and H you might want to plant the seed in your mind that he is likely jealous of you. You have your $hit together, are an accomplished young gent, surround yourself with people of integrity and have goals and ambitions. Keep that in the back of your mind when you talk with him. He may focus his anger upon you unnecessarily. Keep the conversation on him, his accomplishments and like another stated talk about the mundane. Don't focus on your life.
I'm frankly proud of you, dude.
I'm frankly proud of you, dude.
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Good advice Matt.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Well said Matt.
- Thread starter
- #88
B-17engineer
Colonel
Thanks so much guys,
We hit a little bump in the road, they were having a group call with him, my mom and dad. Frankly, I don't think my parents handle things, like trying to talk in a calm manner, well. I don't think they are being understanding of him and his issues and so today they were handling the situation (talking it through, what the issues are, why'd he choose this path etc etc) in a reckless manner he hung up in the middle of the call.
I just wish I could talk to him during the group sessions. He wrote in his letters he wants to do this for me and my little brother.
We hit a little bump in the road, they were having a group call with him, my mom and dad. Frankly, I don't think my parents handle things, like trying to talk in a calm manner, well. I don't think they are being understanding of him and his issues and so today they were handling the situation (talking it through, what the issues are, why'd he choose this path etc etc) in a reckless manner he hung up in the middle of the call.
I just wish I could talk to him during the group sessions. He wrote in his letters he wants to do this for me and my little brother.
Erich
the old Sage
Harrison how are you in writing letters ? as there seems to be a rush of a problem trying to sort with their own issues as to why - yes self blame game on your parents it might be best to stay away from the phone and just write an encouraging letter to him privately, he will hold onto this much longer than a 10 minute conversation by phone from you.
hang in there young man.
E ~
hang in there young man.
E ~
evangilder
"Shooter"
Sage advice from the old sage. Remember that some of your parents reactions come from their own life experiences, some of which you may not even know about. What any addict/alcoholic needs is a rock. Think of it as an anchor to keep them grounded. He has a long uphill climb ahead of him and if you can encourage him and provide support, it can go a long way. Throughout my recovery, my wife was my rock. It made a huge difference too when we had children. Being a sober parent is great, and I couldn't imagine being an alcoholic parent.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
That my friend is spot on, well said!
----------------------
Harrison I have to say, I'm pretty dam proud and impressed with how you are handling things. Keep at it.
- Thread starter
- #92
B-17engineer
Colonel
Thanks. My parents are suppose to fly down this weekend and he said he didnt want to see them. I write him a letter everyday but try to stay away from the addition and keep his mind off things. Ill put a little more into tomorrows letter. All hes worried about is this stupid girl he "loves" but is a terrible influence
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Proud of you Harrison.
Erich
the old Sage
Harrison do you know if there will be mediation on hand if your bro decides to meet with the folks ?
if not this is going to be a rough session of get together as there needs to be a go-between in fact it is a MUST !. this helps erase any chances of pointing fingers in the wrong directions. your bro needs someone to confide in at this facility outside of Family and or friends and needs to be accountable especially when he has the drug "issues" that are bringing him down possibly into withdrawl. sad to say but he needs to see the light that his girlfriend needs to be an ex- real soon if he he is going to adjust back into the real world of life.
if not this is going to be a rough session of get together as there needs to be a go-between in fact it is a MUST !. this helps erase any chances of pointing fingers in the wrong directions. your bro needs someone to confide in at this facility outside of Family and or friends and needs to be accountable especially when he has the drug "issues" that are bringing him down possibly into withdrawl. sad to say but he needs to see the light that his girlfriend needs to be an ex- real soon if he he is going to adjust back into the real world of life.
A4K
Colonel
...or check the girl in too??
Agree with Erich completely about the habit of fingers being pointed in the wrong direction (ie, avoiding the issue). The problem needs to be identified for what it is and tackled head on.
Agree with Erich completely about the habit of fingers being pointed in the wrong direction (ie, avoiding the issue). The problem needs to be identified for what it is and tackled head on.
DBII
Senior Master Sergeant
Harrison keep up the good work you are doing. I know that your brother is causing you stress but try not to let it take over your life. There is always someone on the website for you.
DBII
DBII
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Not much more to say other than to echo what's come before....letters, handwritten, are always the best. Typed are okay, but handwritten adds that personal "because I cared enough to take the time to find a pen" touch. And are easy to save and savor over and over again. Stay strong for him, but don't neglect yourself. If you need to vent, we're always here.
What can I say, other then that I have a pretty good idea what you're going through and I know how tough it is, but also that as soon your brother realizes he needs to get his life together there is a way out.
I went through something similar with my younger brother. While it wasn't drug related perse, the combination of an anti-social personality-disorder, the medication he uses to deal with that and a drinking habit made for a particularly explosive mix that made him do things to me, my sisters, mom and dad and our property..and last but not least himself, for which there is no excuse (not even for a brother or son). It was devastating to see a handsome, truly bright and creative young lad go the hell in a handbasket. We too had to make the heart breaking decision to essentially kick him out of the house (let's face it, doing this has to be the one of the worst things for parents and brothers/sisters to have to go through), because otherwise we too would have ended up in the insane asylum or something and we just HAD to point out that he had to fend for himself and in order to get by he needed to get his act together.
It took a few long and indeed miserable years (just thinking about the family meetings where we were to decide wether we felt like having him around for the x-mas diner is but one of those odd and very sad moments that comes to my mind, it affects the very foundations upon which one's entire being is based...your direct family), but on the bright side, our point did hit home....HARD in the end. We did point out that we wanted to 'be there' for him at all times, but the initiative as far a treatment and dealing with his issues was entirely on his side at all times. And sure enough, in the end that's exactly what he did. He cleaned up his act, quit drinking all together (him sitting next to somebody having a beer and so much as smelling alcohol-breath just about makes him puke) Through therapy he learned how to deal with his his mental issues (it can't be cured, but it can be dealt with in an orderly manner) he finished his school with very nice grades indeed and got offered a job (that suits him particulary well) at the company he did his traineeship with as part of his education and found his own little house to live in. Essentially he is now able to look after himself in an orderly manner, and has been doing great for the last 3-4 years. There is still a good bit of healing to do when it comes to family ties, but again that's entirely up to him. Although seeing him being able to look after himself helps a lot for me, and not feeling upset anymore when a birthday is coming up, or inviting him over for cup of coffee and things.
Not sure if it helps or not, but all I'm trying to say is stick to YOUR guns, be strong for yourself and the rest of your family, but also be there for him if need be but be sure HE is doing what it takes and help out if need be as HE works his way through whatever it is he needs to go through. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
I went through something similar with my younger brother. While it wasn't drug related perse, the combination of an anti-social personality-disorder, the medication he uses to deal with that and a drinking habit made for a particularly explosive mix that made him do things to me, my sisters, mom and dad and our property..and last but not least himself, for which there is no excuse (not even for a brother or son). It was devastating to see a handsome, truly bright and creative young lad go the hell in a handbasket. We too had to make the heart breaking decision to essentially kick him out of the house (let's face it, doing this has to be the one of the worst things for parents and brothers/sisters to have to go through), because otherwise we too would have ended up in the insane asylum or something and we just HAD to point out that he had to fend for himself and in order to get by he needed to get his act together.
It took a few long and indeed miserable years (just thinking about the family meetings where we were to decide wether we felt like having him around for the x-mas diner is but one of those odd and very sad moments that comes to my mind, it affects the very foundations upon which one's entire being is based...your direct family), but on the bright side, our point did hit home....HARD in the end. We did point out that we wanted to 'be there' for him at all times, but the initiative as far a treatment and dealing with his issues was entirely on his side at all times. And sure enough, in the end that's exactly what he did. He cleaned up his act, quit drinking all together (him sitting next to somebody having a beer and so much as smelling alcohol-breath just about makes him puke) Through therapy he learned how to deal with his his mental issues (it can't be cured, but it can be dealt with in an orderly manner) he finished his school with very nice grades indeed and got offered a job (that suits him particulary well) at the company he did his traineeship with as part of his education and found his own little house to live in. Essentially he is now able to look after himself in an orderly manner, and has been doing great for the last 3-4 years. There is still a good bit of healing to do when it comes to family ties, but again that's entirely up to him. Although seeing him being able to look after himself helps a lot for me, and not feeling upset anymore when a birthday is coming up, or inviting him over for cup of coffee and things.
Not sure if it helps or not, but all I'm trying to say is stick to YOUR guns, be strong for yourself and the rest of your family, but also be there for him if need be but be sure HE is doing what it takes and help out if need be as HE works his way through whatever it is he needs to go through. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
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- Thread starter
- #99
B-17engineer
Colonel
Thanks you guys so much to everyone, it amazes me how many people really do care.
I sent him a letter today that just explained most of what you guys have said. it was mostly encouragement
I sent him a letter today that just explained most of what you guys have said. it was mostly encouragement
encouragement can go a long way mate....stick to it!
