That must of hurt a lot....
Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!
- Thread starter Pisis
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That must of hurt a lot....
loomaluftwaffe
Tech Sergeant
- 1,840
- Dec 20, 2005
hell yeah- Thread starter
- #723
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
Hehe, what a stupid guy...
- Thread starter
- #724
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
- Thread starter
- #725
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
More stupid sh1t...
- Thread starter
- #727
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
Hehe...
102first_hussars
Tech Sergeant
A woman is standing in line at the pearly gates talking to St. Peter when she hears an awful scream. "What was that!?" she asks.
"Oh don't worry," St. Peter replies, "That was the person before you getting the holes drilled in their back for their wings."
"Ouch," she blurts.
Again she hears another ear-shattering scream. "Now what was that?" she inquires.
St. Peter responds, "The same person was getting holes drilled in their head for a halo."
Terrified the woman looks St. Peter in the eyes and says, "I think I'd rather go to hell."
He responds, "No, no you don't want to do that, you'll be raped and sodomized there!"
The woman pauses and replies, "Well, at least I already have the holes for that!"
"Oh don't worry," St. Peter replies, "That was the person before you getting the holes drilled in their back for their wings."
"Ouch," she blurts.
Again she hears another ear-shattering scream. "Now what was that?" she inquires.
St. Peter responds, "The same person was getting holes drilled in their head for a halo."
Terrified the woman looks St. Peter in the eyes and says, "I think I'd rather go to hell."
He responds, "No, no you don't want to do that, you'll be raped and sodomized there!"
The woman pauses and replies, "Well, at least I already have the holes for that!"
Sgt. Baranowski and the Goose:
The theft of one of his geese compelled a country policemen to begin an investigation into the matter. By chance he discovered the missing goose being held and fed by Polish airmen, and even walked on a leash around the aerodrome. The case was settled in a court of law at Newcastle-upon-Tyne:
"The defendant, Sgt. Baranowski, 317 Squadron, when asked if he pled guilty, replied that before answering the question he would like to make a short explanation to the court. The judge permitted him to speak, and waited for what the Pole was going to say in his broken English. The sergeant, as befits a soldier, looked the judge straight in the eyes, and related briefly, as if reporting, the story of his fighter squadron, which had not even encountered the Germans, to say nothing about scoring a victory. At the same time British squadrons in the area were enjoying more luck. After researching the question in detail, he found that every other squadron had a mascot, while the Polish unit had none. One day, walking through the village, he saw a goose. He recalled the story of the geese in ancient Rome that saved the city. So, he decided to steal a goose. At night, while everybody else was having a good time in the Sergeants' Mess, he accomplished his plan. That was all he had to say in his defence.
" 'Well', asked the judge ironically, 'has a German aeroplane fallen into the hands of the defendant, too?'
"The counsel for the defence, a British officer, asked permission to speak, which was granted by the judge.
" 'Two days after the goose was brought to the aerodrome', said the consel, 'the defendant shot down a Dornier during a patrol...'
"... On hearing this the policeman asked the court to close the case, paid several pound sterling in costs, and shook the Polish airman's hand, saying 'sorry'."
The theft of one of his geese compelled a country policemen to begin an investigation into the matter. By chance he discovered the missing goose being held and fed by Polish airmen, and even walked on a leash around the aerodrome. The case was settled in a court of law at Newcastle-upon-Tyne:
"The defendant, Sgt. Baranowski, 317 Squadron, when asked if he pled guilty, replied that before answering the question he would like to make a short explanation to the court. The judge permitted him to speak, and waited for what the Pole was going to say in his broken English. The sergeant, as befits a soldier, looked the judge straight in the eyes, and related briefly, as if reporting, the story of his fighter squadron, which had not even encountered the Germans, to say nothing about scoring a victory. At the same time British squadrons in the area were enjoying more luck. After researching the question in detail, he found that every other squadron had a mascot, while the Polish unit had none. One day, walking through the village, he saw a goose. He recalled the story of the geese in ancient Rome that saved the city. So, he decided to steal a goose. At night, while everybody else was having a good time in the Sergeants' Mess, he accomplished his plan. That was all he had to say in his defence.
" 'Well', asked the judge ironically, 'has a German aeroplane fallen into the hands of the defendant, too?'
"The counsel for the defence, a British officer, asked permission to speak, which was granted by the judge.
" 'Two days after the goose was brought to the aerodrome', said the consel, 'the defendant shot down a Dornier during a patrol...'
"... On hearing this the policeman asked the court to close the case, paid several pound sterling in costs, and shook the Polish airman's hand, saying 'sorry'."
- Thread starter
- #732
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
Hmm, but it is not funny, it more a case of randomness...
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Chinese Eye Test
If you can't read it, just pull the corners of your eyes outward (make your eyes slant).
I love stupid internet $hit like this.
If you can't read it, just pull the corners of your eyes outward (make your eyes slant).
I love stupid internet $hit like this.
Attachments
Wildcat
Major
Maestro
Master Sergeant
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Who thinks that kinda crap up? I wanna shake their hand.
- Thread starter
- #737
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
Old...
Here's a real joke...
Here's a real joke...
- Thread starter
- #739
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
I saw that million times. That is not the best Borat can do. The three I liked the best was Job Interview, Babra Bush and Republican Canidature...
Caution!
A "heads up" for you and any of your friends who may be regular Home Depot
customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out
shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite
traumatic.Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old
girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping items into the
trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with
their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible
not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you
for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat.On
the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over
into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals
your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen October 4th , 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
17th,20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming
weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.
A "heads up" for you and any of your friends who may be regular Home Depot
customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out
shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite
traumatic.Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old
girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping items into the
trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with
their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible
not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you
for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat.On
the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over
into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals
your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen October 4th , 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
17th,20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming
weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.
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