Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter v2
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
Maestro
Master Sergeant
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this", said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my big mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!". I don't remember much after that.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!". I don't remember much after that.
syscom3
Pacific Historian
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
Loiner
Senior Airman
nice one.
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Maestro
Master Sergeant
I don't remember if I posted this one before... I just hope it will have the same impact in English as it has in French...
The father of a gay-ish son decided to get him enlisted in the army, in order to make a man out of him. The boy chose the paratroopers.
Right after his training, the boy went back home. His father asked him how went the training...
"Well, said the son, the worst part was the jump training... When I arrived at the door, I was so scared that I couldn't jump..."
"So... What happened ?"
"The instructor ordered me to jump... And I couldn't. He repeated the command : "Jump !" I looked at him and said : "Sir, I'm too scared, I can't do it !"
"And what did he do ?"
"He replied : 'Jump or I'm gonna f*cking rape you !'"
"So... Did you jump ?"
The son looked at his father and said : "A little bit, at the beginning..."
The father of a gay-ish son decided to get him enlisted in the army, in order to make a man out of him. The boy chose the paratroopers.
Right after his training, the boy went back home. His father asked him how went the training...
"Well, said the son, the worst part was the jump training... When I arrived at the door, I was so scared that I couldn't jump..."
"So... What happened ?"
"The instructor ordered me to jump... And I couldn't. He repeated the command : "Jump !" I looked at him and said : "Sir, I'm too scared, I can't do it !"
"And what did he do ?"
"He replied : 'Jump or I'm gonna f*cking rape you !'"
"So... Did you jump ?"
The son looked at his father and said : "A little bit, at the beginning..."
..
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
Maestro
Master Sergeant
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
beaupower32
Tech Sergeant
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.
Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"
The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.
Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"
The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.
