Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules

(Mods, I thought this was hilarious, but if its too political, please delete!!!)

A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky .
Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force.
By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone.
They spotted a farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened.
They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine.

"Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?"

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered.
"I done buried 'em all myself. Took me most of the morning."

"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.

"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't...
But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.."
 
RA, the 'falling off the curb' one reminds me of Crocodile Dundee 'Thats not a knife... this is a knife.' scene...
But fair enough to em for pitchin' in, and for the cops not being too analytical.

We could make jokes how Marines need more than 3 inches to feel something, but lets not go there since they sometimes travel on ships full of seamen ( seawomen), so they get enough of stick already...
 
Last edited:
Lemme rephrase that, since I meant absolutely no disrespect towards the Marines (of any nation), and my comment could be mis-construed: "Crocodile Dundee: Australia's Chuck Norris".
 
A spider, a grasshopper, and a centipede decide to meet in 10 minutes at the dandelion to go for a 45 minute jog. At the appointed time, the spider and grasshopper are at the dandelion warming up and stretching but the centipede is not yet there. 5 minutes go by and he's still not there, then 10 minutes go by. Finally, 13 minutes late, the centipede shows up.

"..the hell man!" says the spider." You're late. What the hell you bin doin'?"

"I was putting on my shoes!"
 

Users who are viewing this thread