Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

Crimea_River · Jan 19, 2014

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

vikingBerserker · Jan 19, 2014

Gnomey · Jan 19, 2014

Wurger · Jan 19, 2014

LMAO !!!!

tengu1979 · Jan 19, 2014

Americans and Soviets decided to finish their animosities by An Air Race. USAF designated specially built F-15 for that purpose. How suprised they were to see the old Po-2 on the opponent side.
Russians talk to each other - Ivan. We cannot win so lets put a rope to their plane so we can at least stay behind.
- Yes, Comerade
So thats what they did.
Take off, climb at attitude all went well. F-15 pilot moves the throttle up and reports to tower:
- Mach 1. Russkie still with me
-Mach 1.5. Still with me
-Mach 2. Hes prepairing to overtake. Just changed wing geometry.

Over Pacific F-16 pilot catches an airliner. And says. - Ha you cannot do this!!!
And starts heavy aerobatics in vincinity of airliner.
When he stops the airliner pilot says to him.
- I am gonna do something you in your fighter cannot. And after that you will never call any other airliner pilot a bad pilot.
-OK
-OK I am starting.
1 minute - airliner flying straight
5 minutes - still flying straight
15 minutes - still flying straight.
-OK. Finished.
-What??? What you did I cannot. You were flying perfectly straight. Anyone could do that
-I went to have a wee...

Wurger · Jan 19, 2014

But the F fighter of the first joke was a F-14 but not the F-15.

vikingBerserker · Jan 19, 2014

That was great!

Wayne Little · Jan 20, 2014

michaelmaltby · Jan 20, 2014

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

"Now ... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great?

They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!

Wurger · Jan 20, 2014

Geedee · Jan 20, 2014

I cut the grass today and after doing so, I down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought of an age old question.....is giving birth more painful than a swift kick in the nuts ?

Women always maintain that giving birth is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question !.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than giving birth, and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say "it might be nice to have another child'.

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say "You know, I think I would like another swift kick to the nuts !"

I rest my case

Wurger · Jan 20, 2014

Aaron Brooks Wolters · Jan 20, 2014

Geedee said:
I cut the grass today and after doing so, I down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought of an age old question.....is giving birth more painful than a swift kick in the nuts ?

Women always maintain that giving birth is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question !.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than giving birth, and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say "it might be nice to have another child'.

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say "You know, I think I would like another swift kick to the nuts !"

I rest my case

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!

Wayne Little · Jan 21, 2014

Damn straight Gary..

gumbyk · Jan 21, 2014

Geedee said:
I cut the grass today and after doing so, I down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought of an age old question.....is giving birth more painful than a swift kick in the nuts ?

Women always maintain that giving birth is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question !.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than giving birth, and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say "it might be nice to have another child'.

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say "You know, I think I would like another swift kick to the nuts !"

I rest my case

hmmm, 18 months down the track, and all my wife says is "When are you getting the snip?"

michaelmaltby · Jan 22, 2014

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NddJYKzwHU

Gnomey · Jan 22, 2014

Wayne Little · Jan 23, 2014

I think he will need to use that screwdriver of his to tighten some of those loose screws....

Crimea_River · Jan 23, 2014

Oh, to reach a climax position in a steamy company....wouldn't that be nice!!!!

Wurger · Jan 24, 2014

A dog is running across a desert and thinking .. if I don't find a tree I'll wet myself.

Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

Marshal

Lieutenant General

Globetrotting Surgeon General

Siggy Master

Airman

Siggy Master

Lieutenant General

Moderator

Colonel

Siggy Master

Senior Master Sergeant

Siggy Master

Brigadier General

Moderator

Master Sergeant

Colonel

Globetrotting Surgeon General

Moderator

Marshal

Siggy Master

Users who are viewing this thread

Similar threads