Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)
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What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion.
A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye.
A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye.
Before going duck shooting Chester says to his mate Earl,
"I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out on the pond.
If there aren't many ducks out there, I'm not going hunting"
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks
twice.
Chester says "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out
there".
Earl says "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?"
Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself.
When he gets back he says "I don't believe it. There really are only two ducks out
there! Where did you get that dog?"
Chester says "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you
want one, you can get one from him". So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog
like the one his friend Chester has.
The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks.
Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its
mouth, and starts humping Earl's leg.
Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did.
So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it
came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started
humping his leg.
The breeder says "Earl, dogs can't talk..
He was trying to tell you there are more fxxking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at".
"I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out on the pond.
If there aren't many ducks out there, I'm not going hunting"
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks
twice.
Chester says "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out
there".
Earl says "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?"
Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself.
When he gets back he says "I don't believe it. There really are only two ducks out
there! Where did you get that dog?"
Chester says "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you
want one, you can get one from him". So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog
like the one his friend Chester has.
The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks.
Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its
mouth, and starts humping Earl's leg.
Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did.
So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it
came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started
humping his leg.
The breeder says "Earl, dogs can't talk..
He was trying to tell you there are more fxxking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at".
michaelmaltby
Colonel
A thoughtful Scottish husband was putting on his coat and hat to go down to the local pub. He turned to his wife and said "Maggie, put your coat and hat on lassie."
She replied, "Awe Jock, that's nice. Are you taking me to the pub? "
"Nay" Jock replied, "I'm turning the heat off while I'm out."
She replied, "Awe Jock, that's nice. Are you taking me to the pub? "
"Nay" Jock replied, "I'm turning the heat off while I'm out."
Night Fighter Nut
Master Sergeant
A timid man had gone in to see a nurse for help with a personal problem. He asked that she please not laugh as everyone else he had shown his problem to has. She comforted him by saying that she was a professional with over twenty years experience and that she would not laugh. So he drops his drawers to show her his personal problem and she let out a snicker. His private was approximately the shape and size of a AAA battery. She then apologized profusely saying that she would not do that again. She then asked him what the problem was. He replied it was swollen and the nurse hurried out of the room. 
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
fubar57
General
Geo
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
There is a Magician so good that when he enters the hall he hypnotizes instantly the audience. He has only to say: "Laugh" and everyone starts laughing madly. It has only to say: "Weep" and everyone starts to cry. The only problem was that once, entering the scene, he stumbled into the microphone wire sayng "Ohh, ****!"
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
