Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

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Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties, had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, in the water floated of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this? Pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!
 
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A defendant isn't happy with 
how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: "Where do you work?"

Defendant: "Here and there."

Judge: "What do you do for 
a living?"

Defendant: "This and that."

Judge: "Take him away."

Defendant: "Wait; when will I get out?"

Judge: "Sooner or later."
 
A woman called the airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

"Sure," said the clerk, "as long as you provide your own kennel." further explaining that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: 
"I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!"
 

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