Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

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hows called a blonde that paints black her hair ?
artificial inteligence

hows called a blonde with a brain ?
pregnat

why blondes dont eat bananas ?
they couldnt find the zipper

hows the blonde tryed to kill the bird ?
throwin it by the window

what do you say for a girl wiyhout arms and legs ?
gee whatta boobs

you liked ? great !!! you dont ?



 
Three engineers are discussing God one day at lunch.

"He's got to be an electrical engineer," said the electrical engineer. "Who else could design the nervous system?"

"Nope, He's a mechanical engineer," rebutted the mechanical engineer. "Just look at the bone structure and joints and ligaments!"

"Y'all're all wrong, He's a civil engineer," drawled the civil engineer. "Who else would run a sewage pipe through a perfectly good recreational area?"



(think about it for a second)
 
Now who said programmers don't have a sense of humor?




Ten most popular statements of Klingon Software Developers

1. Only weak and frightened creatures use specifications!
2. Indention of code? I will indent your head!
3. Software releases? We do not release software... we open the cage to let our software create a bloody trace of testers and quality managers.
4. Klingon method calls do not have parameter values... they have strong ARGUMENTS... do not dare to contradict!
5. Debugging? Klingons do not debug... our software is not intended to pamper users.
6. I have beaten the department of technical quality management in a Bat-Leth duel. They will never again disturb us.
7. True Klingon software developers do not comment their code.
8. This draft requirement list affronts the honor of my family. Prepare yourself to die!
9. You wonder about my code's meaning? I should kill you right now, simply, without any answer...
10. Our users will use our software with fear and respect. Let our program run! Let it run and hunt the users until they are escaping like chicken-hearted creatures.
 
Confident vs. Confidential....

A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?'
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!'
 
young fella working on a farm has to take some goods to market,about 1 hour after he leaves the old farmer gets a call
old farmer:eh whats up?
young farmer:i ran over a pig and his stuck under the truck and still alive, what do i do?
old farmer: pull it out and shot it then bury it that way no one will know,ok?
well a hour passes and the phone rings again.
o/farmer:did you do as i said?
y/farmer:sure did,but one question what do i do with his speed camera
 
Some are a bit rude tell me if they are really bad and i'll take them out..

Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.

Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."

George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."

Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . "


Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
A: Shoot her again.

Q: What is the difference between and Virgin and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!

Mickey goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fuc**** Goofy
 
yeah i wasn't sure i'll take that granny one out thats just wrong....

however this is good..
Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
 
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really

Sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.

When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That

Makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel
great.

I be at work soon........ You got nice house."
 
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