Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed .
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
WOW!!! 
Whats that, a Feisler Opel?
Whats that, a Feisler Opel?
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Yeah...but what kind of milage does it get? *G*
syscom3
Pacific Historian
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that
the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending
on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she tends to be more attracted to
men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more
attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in
his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending
on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she tends to be more attracted to
men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more
attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in
his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
Excellent!!..
..even the Missus had a good laugh, think I should keep an eye on her.....
..even the Missus had a good laugh, think I should keep an eye on her.....Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph.
Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea.
Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.
Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style:
"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.
Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed."
Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea.
Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.
Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style:
"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.
Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed."
Konigstiger205
Staff Sergeant
Great stuff guys!...love the one with the women study
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding
on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He
slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring
rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you
remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He
slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring
rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you
remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
Good one...
ccheese
Member In Perpetuity
I thought I would put this in the jokes section. I received this email:
Attn: Mr. Charles A. Cheeseman
It is our pleasure to inform you through this medium that Your
email address won a prize of 1,500,000.00 Euros in category
A'lotto nl online promo. Ref.nr LSLUK/8161/08. Batch nr:14.
contact:Mr.L Freeman.
E-mail: [email protected], Tel/Fax:+31 847 549 511
Contact our prize claim agent by email or phone and quote the
numbers with Full names,Phone/Fax nos in your reply to your agent,
Yours Sincerely,
Mrs.K veldhuizen(co-ordinator)
Lotto - Home
Just how much is 1.5 million euros ?? What do I tell them when they want
my SS number and my bank account number ?
Golly-gee.... I'm rich..
Charles
Attn: Mr. Charles A. Cheeseman
It is our pleasure to inform you through this medium that Your
email address won a prize of 1,500,000.00 Euros in category
A'lotto nl online promo. Ref.nr LSLUK/8161/08. Batch nr:14.
contact:Mr.L Freeman.
E-mail: [email protected], Tel/Fax:+31 847 549 511
Contact our prize claim agent by email or phone and quote the
numbers with Full names,Phone/Fax nos in your reply to your agent,
Yours Sincerely,
Mrs.K veldhuizen(co-ordinator)
Lotto - Home
Just how much is 1.5 million euros ?? What do I tell them when they want
my SS number and my bank account number ?
Golly-gee.... I'm rich..
Charles
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
*LOL* Yeah...that is a funny one, CC!!!!
If you pull the other one, i will fall off my chair...
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Heh....reply, and tell them that "unfortunately, due to the wide number of bank-account scams out there, you will be required to verify their bank account is a valid account. This should only take a day or two for your bank to process, at which point the proceedings may continue...."
....and then wipe the effer's clean.
....and then wipe the effer's clean.
