wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)
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RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Flyboy2
Senior Airman
Funny little conversation between the USS Coral Sea and a Lighthouse. Unfortunately its not true still funny tho
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
still funny thoUS Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Last time I heard that one, Adm. Nimitz himself was arguing with some Petty Officer Third Class. The Petty Officer won. 
An old one but a good one
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taking note Dan!!
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this isn't really about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this isn't really about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Velius
Airman 1st Class
Thats great Rabid!!
Thorlifter
Captain
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very, closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very, closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?
Flyboy2
Senior Airman
little drawing i found
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
More chicken/road stuff:
Patton: The chicken had a ****da** duty to cross the *****mn road, so it **ck**'a screwed up its courage and crossed that G*****n road like a real chicken would! I'm d*** proud to have crossed that road with that chicken! That was a real ******* chicken's chicken, with b*lls!
Rommel: Not only did it cross the road, but it continued on and overwhelmed the weasles on the other side, and would have maintained its hold on the other side of the road if only the rooster had provided it with the proper amount of corn. Hiel, rooster.
McCarthy: F****in communist chickens....
JOE BIDEN: It's patriotic for the chicken to pay its taxes as it crosses the road.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because it saw how I dressed the moose and it didn't want to to be next.
GEORGE H.W. BUSH: Read my lips, no more chickens crossing the road.
DAN QUALYE: Do you spell chicken with an "e" at the end just like potatoe?
RONALD REAGAN: Mr. Chicken, tear down this wall!
JIMMY CARTER: Chickens can cross the road, its those killer rabbits that worry me.
GERRY FORD: Our long national nightmare is ended: I have pardoned the chicken and it is now free to cross the road.
RICHARD NIXON: The chicken isn't a crook, and neither am I.
SPIRO AGNEW: The chicken is a nattering nabob of negativism.
TED KENNEDY: The chicken crossed the road, I swerved, and that's why I drove my car off the bridge.
JOHN F. KENNEDY: Ask not what your country can do for the chicken, but rather ask what the chicken can do for its country.
DWIGHT EISENHOWER: The chicken is part of the military industrial complex.
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT: The chicken has nothing to fear but the road itself.
WILLIAM TECUMSEH SHERMAN: If the chicken is nominated it will not run, and if elected it will not serve, but it will cross the road.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: A chicken divided against itself can not stand and so it has to cross the road.
PATRICK HENRY: The chicken regrets that it only has one life to give for its country.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: Early to bed and early to rise makes the chicken healthy, wealthy and wise.
THOMAS JEFFERSON: We hold these truths to be self evident, that the chicken is free to cross the road.
JULIUS CEASAR: Et tu, chicken.
DR. RUTH: The chicken is spending too much time crossing the road and not enough time having sex with the rooster.
RICK WARREN: A purpose-driven chicken would have already crossed the road several times in its life's journey.
JOEL OSTEEN: The chicken could live its best life now if it would just follow the 7 steps to its full potential and cross the road.
Patton: The chicken had a ****da** duty to cross the *****mn road, so it **ck**'a screwed up its courage and crossed that G*****n road like a real chicken would! I'm d*** proud to have crossed that road with that chicken! That was a real ******* chicken's chicken, with b*lls!
Rommel: Not only did it cross the road, but it continued on and overwhelmed the weasles on the other side, and would have maintained its hold on the other side of the road if only the rooster had provided it with the proper amount of corn. Hiel, rooster.
McCarthy: F****in communist chickens....
JOE BIDEN: It's patriotic for the chicken to pay its taxes as it crosses the road.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because it saw how I dressed the moose and it didn't want to to be next.
GEORGE H.W. BUSH: Read my lips, no more chickens crossing the road.
DAN QUALYE: Do you spell chicken with an "e" at the end just like potatoe?
RONALD REAGAN: Mr. Chicken, tear down this wall!
JIMMY CARTER: Chickens can cross the road, its those killer rabbits that worry me.
GERRY FORD: Our long national nightmare is ended: I have pardoned the chicken and it is now free to cross the road.
RICHARD NIXON: The chicken isn't a crook, and neither am I.
SPIRO AGNEW: The chicken is a nattering nabob of negativism.
TED KENNEDY: The chicken crossed the road, I swerved, and that's why I drove my car off the bridge.
JOHN F. KENNEDY: Ask not what your country can do for the chicken, but rather ask what the chicken can do for its country.
DWIGHT EISENHOWER: The chicken is part of the military industrial complex.
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT: The chicken has nothing to fear but the road itself.
WILLIAM TECUMSEH SHERMAN: If the chicken is nominated it will not run, and if elected it will not serve, but it will cross the road.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: A chicken divided against itself can not stand and so it has to cross the road.
PATRICK HENRY: The chicken regrets that it only has one life to give for its country.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: Early to bed and early to rise makes the chicken healthy, wealthy and wise.
THOMAS JEFFERSON: We hold these truths to be self evident, that the chicken is free to cross the road.
JULIUS CEASAR: Et tu, chicken.
DR. RUTH: The chicken is spending too much time crossing the road and not enough time having sex with the rooster.
RICK WARREN: A purpose-driven chicken would have already crossed the road several times in its life's journey.
JOEL OSTEEN: The chicken could live its best life now if it would just follow the 7 steps to its full potential and cross the road.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
A man, having applied to join the police force, is being interviewed.
The Inspector says 'Your qualifications are first-class but there is one test that you must pass before I can recruit you.'
Sliding a small bag across the desk, he continues 'Take this gun, go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six Obama delegates, and a rabbit.'
The man says 'Why the rabbit?'
'Fantastic attitude!' says the inspector. 'When can you start?'
The Inspector says 'Your qualifications are first-class but there is one test that you must pass before I can recruit you.'
Sliding a small bag across the desk, he continues 'Take this gun, go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six Obama delegates, and a rabbit.'
The man says 'Why the rabbit?'
'Fantastic attitude!' says the inspector. 'When can you start?'
JugBR
Staff Sergeant
little drawing i found
is this stalin or saddan hussein ?
the face looks stalin, the uniform looks saddan...
i have another good one:
