Lucky13
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How can I live among this gentle,
obsolescent breed of heroes and not weep?
Unicorns almost,
for they are fading into legends...
obsolescent breed of heroes and not weep?
Unicorns almost,
for they are fading into legends...
Quotes and Jokes (7 Viewers)
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Lucky13
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I'll probably never hear the end of it for posting this pic, but here goes...
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Ferdinand Foch
Staff Sergeant
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" .... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches,
the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.."You have a very fine and loyal horse", "But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request ???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents," "But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, ..... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says,
Listen Very Carefully !!!! FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
I SAID ....
"BRING POSSE"
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" .... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches,
the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.."You have a very fine and loyal horse", "But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request ???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents," "But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, ..... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says,
Listen Very Carefully !!!! FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
I SAID ....
"BRING POSSE"
wheelsup_cavu
1st Sergeant
Elderly Couple
An elderly couple is sitting in a diner remembering the old days.
The man say to the woman "Honey, do you remember the first time we made love? It was right against the fence behind this diner!"
The old woman giggles and the old man says "Hey, what do you say we sneak out back and see if we still have it?"
They slip out of the diner and head out back.
A couple of minutes later, a cop pulls around and sees the two going at it like teenagers.
He laughs to himself and lets them finish.
When they were finished, the cop says to the old man "That was quite a display for a guy your age....were you that wild 50 years ago?"
The man says "Naw 50 years ago the fence wasn't electrified!"
Wheelsup
An elderly couple is sitting in a diner remembering the old days.
The man say to the woman "Honey, do you remember the first time we made love? It was right against the fence behind this diner!"
The old woman giggles and the old man says "Hey, what do you say we sneak out back and see if we still have it?"
They slip out of the diner and head out back.
A couple of minutes later, a cop pulls around and sees the two going at it like teenagers.
He laughs to himself and lets them finish.
When they were finished, the cop says to the old man "That was quite a display for a guy your age....were you that wild 50 years ago?"
The man says "Naw 50 years ago the fence wasn't electrified!"
Wheelsup
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Elderly couple were sitting on their porch swing one evening, watching the sun set, when the old woman reached over and smacked her husband across the shins with her cane. "What the heck was that for?" he exclaimed. "That's for 50 years' of bad sex," came the reply.
He couldn't really argue with that. A few minutes passed, when all of a sudden the elderly gentleman picked up his cane and whacked his wife upside the head, knocking her off the swing! "That, my dear, is for knowing the difference."
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Lone Ranger and Tonto were being chased across the countryside by an entire tribe of angry Apache. Finally, cornered in a dead-end canyon, with angry natives lining the tops of the walls and advancing up the canyon behind them, the Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says "Well, this looks like the end, my friend. I don't think we're going to get out of this one." Tonto looks at the Lone Ranger and replies "What you mean 'we', white man?"
Lone Ranger and Tonto pull up outside a saloon on a hot and dusty day. It so hot that the Lone Ranger says to Tonto "Theres no wind, its too hot, theres no shade and I dont want Silver to overheat, so I want you to move around him all the tieme to create draft to keep him cool !"
Tonto mutters something under his breath....that I decline to translate....and says "OK, Kemosabi, I keep silver cool"
The Lone Ranger walks into the saloon and orders a cool drink. Then has another one and is just about to have a third when when a Cowpoke bursts in through the swing doors and starts asking the folks in the bar, "Who owns the White Stallion out the front ?"
The Lone Ranger moves away from the bar and says "Thats Silver my horse...why ?"
The Cowpoke replies "Just thought you should know, you've left yer Injun running !
Tonto mutters something under his breath....that I decline to translate....and says "OK, Kemosabi, I keep silver cool"
The Lone Ranger walks into the saloon and orders a cool drink. Then has another one and is just about to have a third when when a Cowpoke bursts in through the swing doors and starts asking the folks in the bar, "Who owns the White Stallion out the front ?"
The Lone Ranger moves away from the bar and says "Thats Silver my horse...why ?"
The Cowpoke replies "Just thought you should know, you've left yer Injun running !
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Jesus Gary...
Ferdinand Foch
Staff Sergeant
Hehe, good one GD, that's not politically incorrect, after all.
Matt308
Glock Perfection
A Crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.
"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"
The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".
The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.
"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"
The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".
The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
wheelsup_cavu
1st Sergeant
Wheelsup
Ferdinand Foch
Staff Sergeant
Lucky13
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