Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.
This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is, sadly, controlling your life. Get help immediately.

Wayne Little said:

How many parts would be left over when you're done Jan?

Click to expand...

Yeah, but the funny thing is, you'd have 5 of part A, 7 of part B and 248 of part Z left over, and it'd still run like there wasn't anything missing!

gumbyk said:

Yeah, but the funny thing is, you'd have 5 of part A, 7 of part B and 248 of part Z left over, and it'd still run like there wasn't anything missing!

Click to expand...

True!

A long haul flight runs into some bad weather, the captain informs his passengers
"Ladies and gentlemen we are about to experience some turbulence so please fasten your seatbelts and remain seated."
A real rollercoaster of a flight ensues as they go through the storm
After about half an hour they clear the weather.
The captain come on the com.
"Ladies and Gentlemen we are now clear of the storm and will be reacing our destination shortly. The rest of the flight will be in clear air so no further turbulence is expected."
He then turns to the copilot
"That was some real rough air,what I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer."
Unfortunatly he hasn't turned the coms. off.
A stewardess runs towards the cockpit to inform him of his error,just as she is about to reach the door an old lady grabs her by the elbow
"You musn't forget his beer dear"

Wheelsup

Ὢ ξείν', ἀγγέλλειν Λακεδαιμονίοις ὅτι τῆδε κείμεθα τοὶς κείνων ρήμασι πειθόμενοι.

"Go tell the Spartans, stranger passing by, that here, obedient to their laws, we lie"

A real old one but I like how some people can laugh at anything

A sense of humor is definitely required to live in this world!

Hey, does anyone remember these kind of answers in high school? I know I do!

How to fail school tests with dignity.

Example 1)



Example 2)



Example 3)



Example 4)


Example 5)



Example 6)



Example 7)

Ok, round two.
https://lscmail.lyndonstate.edu/mai...x/Fw: Failing Tests with Dignity.EML?Cmd=open

A pirate captain procured a map that claimed to lead to buried treasure. After months of hard sailing, his crew caught site of an island, right where the treasure map showed it to be. The captain and his first mate disembarked to search out the treasure, which was supposed to lie deep within a swamp at the center of the island.

Sure enough, at the center of the island they found a swamp. The captain and his first mate bravely entered the swamp, even though their feet sank into the muck. As they proceeded, the swamp got deeper; oozy mud rose above their ankles; soon they were knee-deep. Suddenly, the captain banged his shin against something hard. He reached down, groping through the slime, and pulled up a treasure chest. Eagerly they pried the lock, and discovered gold and jewels beyond imagination!

The captain turned to his first mate and said, "Arrrr, matey, that just goes to show ye! Booty is only shin deep!"

Drafting Guys over 60----this is funny obviously written by a Former Soldier-

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some ******* that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-of-a-b....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

***How about recruiting Women over 50 ...with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!
If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!
Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.

....

LMAO, Nice....

Good one Gary.


Wheelsup