Your Funny, Humorous or Incredible Military Stories

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I've heard a few daft stories from my dads time in the RAF... maybe not all hilarious but you'll hear them anyway. You probably heard 'em before.

First with 11 Sqdn. Lightnings -

The 'ole stories of the Russians with the Playboys has been heard loads of times, the 'ole thumbs up from the RAF pilots while the Ruskies were probably jacking off in the rear seat. Well one time was different, someone had left summat on the Lightning (can't remember exactly what) ... bring bright orange rod. They go up to intercept this Bear ... and the Bear's crew ain't p*ssin' about no more. The cameras come out and they're frantic about this new addition to the old Lightning...the pilot of the Lightning couldn't be more confused 'til he lands and realises the addition... the Ruskies probably thought it was a new aerial or summat.

Another intercept in the middle of the night ... there's a single aircraft travelling extremely slow over the North Sea... so 11 Sqdn. sends a Lightning out to say hello. The Lightning is directed to the area and reports nothing ... there's nothing in sight. Air traffic keeps reporting it there so the Lightning circles around, goes up and then down to look for this "stealth" aircraft ... then all of a sudden there's an almighty smash...the pilot has to change his underpants and heads back home. On his way back, air traffic notice the original signal has gone.
The Lightning makes it home 'n lands safely with almighty scrapes and scratches to the underside of the aircraft. Long story short, in the field below the Lightnings 'crash' was a Cessna 152 with drugs aboard ... and two dead pi*sants ... probably the only Lightning intercept that resulted in an aircraft 'shot' down !

Another Lightning taking off on a routine flight - the lads see it off and all sit back in the crew room ... the last bloke comes in a little while after checking his pockets..."Shi*t! ... !!!" - "What?!?!" - "I've lost my spanner !" ... the aircrafts quickly called back down and lands safely ... the spanner was found planted sideways against the first set of stators. Lucky b*stard !

Dumbass greenie in the control tower makes a big fuss when a Lightning is on fire ! A rigger is recharging a Lightning's AVPIN ... when he's shocked to be surrounded by firemen with their hoses pointing at his face. "What?" ... the daft WAF in the tower had seen this rigger in full face mask 'n suit surrounded by 'smoke' which was infact the mist from the AVPIN ! She calls the fire brigade out ... much to their annoyance.

My dad got a nice "surprise" when driving a few tanks of AVPIN around ... the trailer they were on overtook him 'cos the JT with him didn't hook it up right... the trailer kept to stop in the field and nothing blew up... Which is better than can be said for one of the other lads when AVPIN was allowed to be carried around in the Land Rover ... hot exhaust fumes ignited the stuff and this Land Rover went boom ... the lad driving it was seen running away with sh*t rolling down his leg. I know a lad who used to work for BAe ... who had his infatuation with puttin' AVPIN in peoples zippo lighters... - makes its own oxygen, does not go out when you close the lid!

Malta ! - the RAF used to share their base with the Civvie airport...and the Lightning pilots used to sit there and rate the civvie landings as they taxiied by them. One day ..normal day.. an aircraft lands - horrible landing ... as he taxys by the lads they hold up C R A P ... the pilot rolls his eyes and laughs.
Well , there's the prime minister (president ...whatever) of Malta's son onboard...or someone high ranking. He didn't find it funny... infact he took personal offence and 11 Sqdn. had to apologise.

The RAF also apparently likes to replicate westerns ... as my dads friend jumped from power set to power set toward the tug at the front... six in total as it was buzzing around the airfield.
 
PB, my brother told me a similar story. He was at Parris Island and he had a tough DI. One day he dragged them all into the latrine and went to a toilet where there was a log floating. He started screaming at them and yelling, "Who left that!" etc. Finally he say "You think you guys are tough" and grabbbed it out of the bowl and took a bite. My brother said about 2 or 3 guys fainted.

Found out later the DI had taken a Snickers bar and mangles it a little and had plopped it in the toilet, then called everyone in.
 
This one was told to me by the Communications Officer at
NAS Cecil field, back in the late 50's.

Back when the Blue Angels were still flying prop jobs, they
were going from one city to another to perform. The weather
was bad, with a low cloud cover. They were flying above the
clouds when they heard the pilot of a PBM calling a ground
station, saying he was lost.

The CO of the Blues thought they would have some fun. They
located the PBM a few miles away, got into an echelon formation,
but inverted and flew past the guy without saying anything.

The PBM driver saw them go by and thought he was the one that
was up-side-down. They watch him for quite awhile, trying to
turn that PBM over. It would get up on a wing, it would fall, and the
pilot would recover.

I never heard whether he got in turned over or not…..

Charles
 
Back in the day I was posted to a place thats media was 1 am radio station it started off every morning at 0600 with the mornings hymn, as the morning shift change was occuring one of the NCO's said F### the hymn and cut the power cord with a pair of side cutters . One bright officer seen this and decided to duplicate the feat the next morning on the repaired cord but he wasn't paying attention (typical officer) and cut the power cord with unisulated scissors to everyones amusement
 
not mine but humourous
"then there was the Bristol Freighter an aircraft so homely and awkward looking it could only have built in Britain. a huge , fixed undercarriage hung below this sawed off duckling. the wing resembled a plank torn off a barn and the entire apparition moved through the air at a sedate 150mph . One control tower operator amazed on first spying one of these aircraft attempting to land on his airfield called the pilot and asked "what type of aircraft is that?"
"A Bristol Freighter" the pilot replied
To which the controller replied " Did you make it yourself?"
 
pbfoot said:
One bright officer seen this and decided to duplicate the feat the next morning on the repaired cord but he wasn't paying attention (typical officer) and cut the power cord with unisulated scissors to everyones amusement
Click to expand...

Hey now!!!



That is pretty funny!
 
The place: Air Force Basic Training, Lackland AFB, TX.
The date: Early MAR75

As Airman Basics (ABs), we were routinely harassed with inspections of all types. One day, our Training Instructor (TI) and a bunch of his buddies ran another harassment "exercise". A bunch of screaming TI's went through our lockers, pulling inspection tags out of the pockets of uniforms hanging in our lockers. They pushed the tags into our faces and reamed us for failing to them from our uniforms (Funny, but I knew I'd cleaned out my uniform pants…besides, each uniform type had a unique tag, and the TI had pulled FATIGUE tags from my tans...).

Anyway, after yelling at us for a while, the TI's "decided' to teach us a lesson by making us put all of our carefully folded uniforms, towels, and such into our duffle bags and double-time them downstairs to the parade area under our barracks. Once there, we had to drop our bags and stand at attention.

That's when we all heard and funny hissing/roaring noise….and it was coming from one not-very-sharp ABs duffle bag. A TI carefully opened the bag, looked in, and started making some very strange faces. He obviously wanted to laugh, but he was trying very, very hard to keep up the hard-a$$ persona. Shoulders shaking, he finally closed the duffle bag and walked away, shaking his head.

Some of you may remember the shaving cream cans that had a nozzle you pushed sideways to dispense the cream….Yup, our AB had tossed his shaving cream can into the bag, without the cap. It took him quite a while to clean up the mess…

CD
 
My dad was a 40mm twin mount AA gunner on the Fanshaw Bay, CVE-70. During the Battle Off Samar, he and another gunner were sitting back to back, waiting to get sunk. They both lifted their heads back at the same time and "clink" went their helmets. They both about shat themselves........

tom
 
Late July, 1975
Chanute AFB, IL, Weather Observer Training School
Building 341

I had to weigh my bags as I had graduated and was about to leave for my first duty assignment. The problem was, I couldn't remember which building's basement the scale was in. It was late in the evening when I started looking for the scale.

I went to the first building, walked into the darkened basement, and got yelled at by an angry voice when I reached for the light switch. Taking a quick look, I saw a couple in a tight embrace on the floor of the big room, with some articles of clothes scattered about. I apologized and backed out of the room, but not before I got a good look at the pair.

I knew both of them; the female was rather well known as being available to just about anyone who was interested. They guy was married, and his (very) pregnant wife lived just off base. Hmm, time for some fun.

I knew a friend who had a bunch of bottle rockets in his trunk, so I got him and he fetched a pair of rockets. Along the way, I grabbed a pizza box from a convenient trash can. We made a simple ramp out of the box and put the pair of bottle rockets on it. I took a cigarette, punched a hole in it the side of it, and put the fuses from the bottle rockets into the fuse. I then lit the cigarette and we quickly crept down the darkened stairs.

As we crawled into the room, we could see the couple was now fully naked and, umm, "busy". I set the rocket launcher on the floor and aimed it in their direction, then my buddy and I crawled back out of the room and tip-toed up the stairs.

As we reached the top of the stairs, we heard the rockets WHOOSH almost simultaneously, followed by two quick BANGs and a some very loud screams.

We then trotted out of the stairwell, only to run right into a trio of student leaders. We said we really didn't know what the explosions were about, but we did know there were two trainees in the basement, apparently exhibiting severe PDAs (Public Displays of Affection). The student leaders went to the basement, and we heard a LOT of laughter --- and cursing.

We later learned the couple was escorted out of the basement; she was escorted to her floor and he was escorted off base. Both wanted to know who'd been shooting at them…

I later went back down and looked around the room. From where the rocket carcasses landed, it looked like they'd both gone off only a few feet from the guy's butt…

Post-script: The guy and I both went off on our assignments. As far as I know, he never learned who'd interrupted his fun. I don't know if his wife ever found about his indiscretion. The female was caught in a parked car with another female airman, and they both were discharged.

CD
 
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