I should just straight out ban him but I am going to give him a warning first.
Oh and christian stop sending me emails calling me "Bro", I am not your "Bro".
Oh and christian stop sending me emails calling me "Bro", I am not your "Bro".
Your Funny, Humorous or Incredible Military Stories
- Thread starter Matt308
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
ccheese
Member In Perpetuity
That's what I get for sleeping in.... I missed it all ! Drat !
Charles
Charles
lesofprimus
Brigadier General
This is a fraud fellas... Aint no one that ignorant by accident... Its some 33 year old loser who gets his kicks acting like a naive teenager and seeing people jump around....
Ignore it and it'll go away, just like the fu*kin scab that he is....
Ignore it and it'll go away, just like the fu*kin scab that he is....
- Thread starter
- #84
Matt308
Glock Perfection
spot on Les
- Thread starter
- #85
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Welllllllll... another one bites the dust, Mr. Liberal Hidalgo (aka Al Gore loving IQ=shoe size asshat). May you live short and not produce children who take the short bus.
evangilder
"Shooter"
C'mon Matt, tell us how you really feel. 
- Thread starter
- #87
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Okay, you're right. Enough.
Where were we gents... someone lighten up this party!
Where were we gents... someone lighten up this party!
FLYBOYJ
"THE GREAT GAZOO"
Maybe he was Lunatic? You just described him perfectly Dan!!
A4K
Brigadier General
I was thinking the same thing, J.
Captain Dunsel
Airman 1st Class
A short one, from back when I was just an A1C at Griffiss AFB, NY.
We had a CCTV system (Closed Circuit TV) that our MSgt chief forecaster used every morning to brief the alert F-106 crews. The CCTV was a big cabinet, with a camera pointed down at a table. To make sure the briefer was heard, there were two microphones, one on each side of the camera. Each microphone was mounted on a goose-neck type mount, about 2 feet long.
One day, as the MSgt started his briefing, he looked up at the microphone and just stopped and stared.
And stared.
Seems some unknown mischief maker had put a picture of an eye on each micophone. Considering how much the microphones looked like crab eye stalks...why not?
Before the MSgt could restart his briefing, the crews called back and started asking him why he'd stopped. When he told them that the TV console was staring at him, they burst out laughing. For some months after that, he refused to do a briefing without first checking the mikes...and finding out where I was.
No, I didn't get into trouble..at least, not for that stunt!
CD
We had a CCTV system (Closed Circuit TV) that our MSgt chief forecaster used every morning to brief the alert F-106 crews. The CCTV was a big cabinet, with a camera pointed down at a table. To make sure the briefer was heard, there were two microphones, one on each side of the camera. Each microphone was mounted on a goose-neck type mount, about 2 feet long.
One day, as the MSgt started his briefing, he looked up at the microphone and just stopped and stared.
And stared.
Seems some unknown mischief maker had put a picture of an eye on each micophone. Considering how much the microphones looked like crab eye stalks...why not?
Before the MSgt could restart his briefing, the crews called back and started asking him why he'd stopped. When he told them that the TV console was staring at him, they burst out laughing. For some months after that, he refused to do a briefing without first checking the mikes...and finding out where I was.
No, I didn't get into trouble..at least, not for that stunt!
CD
Revised Aviation Dictionary
ALTERNATE AIRPORT: The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take off
ALTIMETER SETTING: The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the control column during a near-minimums instrument approach.
BANK: The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.
BI-PLANE: What you'll say to your bird if flying costs keep going up
CARBURETOR ICE: Phrase used by pilots when explaining accident caused by fuel exhaustion.
"CLEAR": Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.
CONTROL TOWER: A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners who can't hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centres.
CRITICAL ALTITUDE: Minus six feet.
CRITICAL ENGINE: That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl, but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop.
DEAD RECKONING: You reckon correctly, or you are.
DE-ICER: A device designed to operate under all weather conditions, except icing.
ENGINE FAILURE: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.
FIREWALL: Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat and smoke to fill the cockpit.
GLIDING DISTANCE: Half the distance from your present position to the nearest decent landing area at the time of complete power failure.
GROSS WEIGHT: Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra suitcase, a case of bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving weights.
HOLDING PATTERN: The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility serving a terminal airport.
RANGE: Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled with air.
WALKAROUND: What you do when waiting for weather to clear.
LANDING FLAP: A 4000' roll out on a 3000' runway.
ALTERNATE AIRPORT: The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take off
ALTIMETER SETTING: The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the control column during a near-minimums instrument approach.
BANK: The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.
BI-PLANE: What you'll say to your bird if flying costs keep going up
CARBURETOR ICE: Phrase used by pilots when explaining accident caused by fuel exhaustion.
"CLEAR": Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.
CONTROL TOWER: A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners who can't hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centres.
CRITICAL ALTITUDE: Minus six feet.
CRITICAL ENGINE: That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl, but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop.
DEAD RECKONING: You reckon correctly, or you are.
DE-ICER: A device designed to operate under all weather conditions, except icing.
ENGINE FAILURE: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.
FIREWALL: Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat and smoke to fill the cockpit.
GLIDING DISTANCE: Half the distance from your present position to the nearest decent landing area at the time of complete power failure.
GROSS WEIGHT: Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra suitcase, a case of bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving weights.
HOLDING PATTERN: The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility serving a terminal airport.
RANGE: Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled with air.
WALKAROUND: What you do when waiting for weather to clear.
LANDING FLAP: A 4000' roll out on a 3000' runway.
pbfoot
1st Lieutenant
it was my job every morning to to a time check while at the same time checking out the crash bells . So the speech went much like this at the time of the tone it will be 0830 hours . One day I decided to be a little bit cocky and with the typical ATC disdain for the family trees of the aircrew and made the following speech . "At the time of the tone it will be 0830 hours and for the aircrew the big hand will be on the 8 and the little hand on the 6"
Captain Dunsel
Airman 1st Class
I was a career Weather geek; I went in as an enlisted weather observer, became an officer, a forecaster, a technical consultant, and more.
One of my duties, about a year after becoming (horrors!) a Second Lieutenant, was to be the weather briefer for a C-130 group at Elmendorf AFB, AK. I had that job for almost 3 years, before being transferred back to the lesser 48. One aspect of that job that I really loved was that I got to ride out to the remote radar sites, so I could be more familiar with them when I briefed the crews. I also got to brief the full-bird Colonel in charge of the group every weekday.
Shortly after I pinned on Captain, I was preparing my overhead projector slides, when I got called to a phone and had to leave them for a while. When I got back from the phone, I took the slides and walked over to the conference room to do the briefing.
All went well, until I got to the last slide. That's when the Colonel laughingly asked me if I read my slides before showing them. When I turned around to the screen and looked, I saw a note on the bottom of the last slide, reading "Help! Capt. Dunsel is keeping me prisoner in the weather station!".
No, I didn't kill the Sgt who'd done it, since he and his wife were close friends of ours (we still try to keep in touch, even though they now live near Nome and we live in NJ).
CD
One of my duties, about a year after becoming (horrors!) a Second Lieutenant, was to be the weather briefer for a C-130 group at Elmendorf AFB, AK. I had that job for almost 3 years, before being transferred back to the lesser 48. One aspect of that job that I really loved was that I got to ride out to the remote radar sites, so I could be more familiar with them when I briefed the crews. I also got to brief the full-bird Colonel in charge of the group every weekday.
Shortly after I pinned on Captain, I was preparing my overhead projector slides, when I got called to a phone and had to leave them for a while. When I got back from the phone, I took the slides and walked over to the conference room to do the briefing.
All went well, until I got to the last slide. That's when the Colonel laughingly asked me if I read my slides before showing them. When I turned around to the screen and looked, I saw a note on the bottom of the last slide, reading "Help! Capt. Dunsel is keeping me prisoner in the weather station!".
No, I didn't kill the Sgt who'd done it, since he and his wife were close friends of ours (we still try to keep in touch, even though they now live near Nome and we live in NJ).
CD
Konigstiger205
Staff Sergeant
Great stories guys 
- Thread starter
- #96
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Good ones! Back on track!
ccheese
Member In Perpetuity
it was my job every morning to to a time check while at the same time checking out the crash bells . So the speech went much like this at the time of the tone it will be 0830 hours . One day I decided to be a little bit cocky and with the typical ATC disdain for the family trees of the aircrew and made the following speech . "At the time of the tone it will be 0830 hours and for the aircrew the big hand will be on the 8 and the little hand on the 6"
They had a situation much like this while I was stationed in Charleston, SC,
in 1959. The local radio announcer gave the time, then added, "for the benifit
of you Marines, Mickey's big hand is on the.........."
I heard the Commandant, 5th ND made such a stink over it, the man got fired.
Charles
pbfoot
1st Lieutenant
wow that CO was little retentive
- Thread starter
- #99
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Man I hope that isn't true. Funny, but waste of a career.
A4K
Brigadier General
Great stuff guys!
When I was in the ATC (Air training Corps) we sometimes drank with the old soldiers in the RSA club. One day the subject of sex came up (as it always does somehow..) and one of the old boys started making fun of one of my mates, saying he wouldn't even know what that was yet. My mate replied that not only did he know what it was, but had had it alot more recently than the old soldier had. The old boy thought about it and said "Well, the last time I had sex was about 1945". "There you go" said my mate, "That's bloody ages ago!". "I don't know about that,' replied the old soldier "it's only 2100 now!"
When I was in the ATC (Air training Corps) we sometimes drank with the old soldiers in the RSA club. One day the subject of sex came up (as it always does somehow..) and one of the old boys started making fun of one of my mates, saying he wouldn't even know what that was yet. My mate replied that not only did he know what it was, but had had it alot more recently than the old soldier had. The old boy thought about it and said "Well, the last time I had sex was about 1945". "There you go" said my mate, "That's bloody ages ago!". "I don't know about that,' replied the old soldier "it's only 2100 now!"
