Quotes and Jokes (8 Viewers)

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lmao. Some kids in my math who have no idea what they're doing to that. One time the question was, "How far can this object go." He didn't know that answer so he drew an elephant and wrote, "It can't go anywhere, there's an elephant blocking the way."

Like that V2

I thought this was pretty good.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY....................

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills
In your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?
If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..




So folks, always remember to wash your hands after handling money




That's my public service announcement for the day. Thank you very much!

LMAO, and good advice!

Thank christ we don't have one dollar bills anymore!

Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us."

So they shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again; still no response.

Finally the second hunter said, "I suppose we can try again, but it better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows."



today'sTHOT============================

Smart young folks know all the rules. Smart old folks know the exceptions.

Blonde Hunters...

FAMILY TREE OF VINCENT VAN GOGH

His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes------------------------------------ Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store --------------- Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ---------------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle ------------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach ----------------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ---------------------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt ------------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle ---------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin ---------------------------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew --------------------------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco ---------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV ---------- Winnie Bay Gogh




today'sTHOT============================

Birthdays are good for you ... the more you have the longer you live.

haha

Nice RA!

Got this in a my E-mail today.

SUBJECT: POSTED TO CRAIG'S LIST / PERSONALS:

To the Guy Who tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date:
05/27/2009, 1:43 AM EST. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you
demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
earrings.

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you
took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a
reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for
my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head…
Wasn't it? I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you had come
from barefooted since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me.
(That prevented you calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.).

After I called your mother, "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained
the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as
well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with
the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I then threw your
wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb… After I broke
the window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just
now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now,
so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone
calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my
possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat I
guess while he traced your number etc. In a way, perhaps I should apologize for
not killing you… But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate
punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through
some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the
opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen
to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky… Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

A circus travels to a small outback comunity full of very unworldly people who are not even likely to know what most of the circus animals really are. The day before their first show one of their elephants escapes. Reports are sent out around town to be on the look out for an escaped elephant but as no one knew what an elephant was no reports were made. Later that day the local police got a phone call from an old lady saying there is something strange in her backyard. The police man asks "What does it look like?" to which the old lady replies, "Its as big as my house and its grey.". Thats an elephant replies the police officer. The old lady says "I don't give a chit what it is but its picking up my cabbages with its tail and stuffing them up its arse.".