Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

[Gnomey]

 

[RabidAlien]

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

 

[syscom3]

Two University of Texas football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Texan proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 – 6 years!"

 

[vikingBerserker]

 

[syscom3]

A University of Michigan football player was almost killed today in a tragic horse back riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.

How do you get an Ohio State Graduate off your front porch? A: Pay him for the pizza.

What did the 'bama grad say to the 'Ole Miss grad? "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order please?"

 

[Maestro]

What about some construction cat calls ?


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DViogbPTH4

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

Why do University of Tennessee fans wear orange?
1.) To go to the game on Saturday.
2.) To go hunting on Sunday.
3.) And Monday through Friday they work along the Interstate Highways picking up trash.

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

Did you hear that they quit serving ice in the softdrinks a Virginia Tech games? The student with the formula graduated last year.

 

[Civettone]

EVERYONE READS BB's FIRST. READ MINE SECONDLY.

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Ouch!

Kris

 

[v2]

Genealogy

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

 

[syscom3]

LOL @ Aaron.

 

[vikingBerserker]

Nice!

 

[Geedee]

This maths test can predict your all time most watched film, mine was The Shawshank Redemption


Try it without looking at the answers. It works!



Pick a number from 1 - 9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3, then multiply by 3 again.

Add the two digits of your answer together to find your all time favourite movie in the list below.



Good Luck – look below














































It is:

1. Gone with the wind.

2. Aliens.

3. Oliver

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump.

6. Saving Private Ryan.

7. Jaws.

8. Grease.

9. The joy of Sex with male goats leather clad gay boys.

10. Shawshank Redemption.

 

[Wayne Little]

...... New you were up to some sh!t Gary!

 

[Gnomey]

 

[vikingBerserker]

THANK GOD I screwed up my addition!

 

[B-17engineer]

Aw sh!t I got number 9....

EDIT: Just realized they're all number nine...

 

[Auravir]

NO! I got 9 too!