Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

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Golfers

Sol Wallerstein was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.

He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....

Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!" "I hope you're proud of yourself!"

"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU!" "It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed...

The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just screwing with you Sol. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

TO
 
:lol:


reminds me of a couple of golf tales:

George was heading out to play his weekly round of golf with his buddy Fred, when he found his way blocked by his wife. "You can't go play today! We've got that fund-raiser with my parents this afternoon! You promised you'd help MONTHS ago!"

"Relax, honey, Fred and I are only going to play one round, I'll be back by noon." After several minutes of argument, his wife finally relented, and George headed out to meet Fred at the club.

Noon rolls around, and George hasn't made it home yet. 12:30, 1PM, no George. His wife finally storms out to her scheduled appointment, vowing vast and painful retribution on her wayward husband.

Later that night, around 10PM, George finally staggers home, dirty, sweaty, and thoroughly exhausted. His wife immediately tears into him about keeping promises and being late and what was he doing all this time?

"Sweetheart, lemme tell you what happened to me today. We'd started off well, were on the seventh hole, when all of a sudden, right there on the tee, Fred dropped dead of a heart attack." His wife gasped, all sympathy and support now. "Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry! I didn't know! It must've been horrible, you two were so close!"

George is nearly in tears by this point. "You can't even imagine, Sweetheart....the rest of the day, it was all 'hit the ball, drag Fred...hit the ball, drag Fred....'"


********************************


Two older gentlemen are out playing golf one day when a funeral procession slowly makes its way down a nearby street. The first golfer solemnly takes off his hat and holds it over his heart, standing ramrod straight until the last of the cars had passed by. His buddy was moved. "I'll be danged, that was some display of respect!" "Well, its the least I could do...we were married for 57 years!"
 
I found this cartoon online, and it has a great message to it. Wasn't sure where to post it, but figured this thread would do!
 

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You'll have to talk to my Pa.

An Oklahoma rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door.

A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied.. "He went into town."

"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she's not here either.. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded.

"If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."

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:lol:


Wheels
 

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