Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

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Subject: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road

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MOHAMMED SAEED AL SAHHAF - Iraqi Head of Information
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete abrication. We do not even have a chicken.

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

TONY BLAIR
I agree with George.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envisage a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

OPRAH
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
eChicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
What is your definition of chicken?

THE BIBLE
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?
 
Little Johnny returned home from his first day in third grade and asked, "Mom, what's sex?"

After a brief moment of panic, she decided that the best response was to be open and honest with her child. Calmly, she gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, Little Johnny produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
 
2 americans come up to northren ontario for a fishing trip, at a well known fishing camp. as it is way up north they are unfamaliar with the weather. they see a local indian fellow who works around the camp, and figuring him for a local they ask the Indian.
"Rain today fish no bite today." And sure enough it rains.

this goes on for a few days, with his weather predictions proving very accurate.

The americans are very impressed with his weather predictions and give him extra money for the tips.

On the last day before they are due to leave they decide to get up early and get some fishing in before they have to leave. so again they ask him about the weather for the day.

"don't know" is his answer this day however.
"why? to unpredicatable today?"the ask.

"weather forecast hasn't come up on the radio yet this morning" is his answer
 
city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."

"What's country style?" asks the city boy.

"Out here in the country," the farmer says: "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."

Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground. Finally he staggers to his feet and says: "All right, n-now it's-it's m-my turn."

The farmer grins: "Forget it, you win. Keep the duck."
 
:lol:



Irony (note the gas station logo on the pumps):
 

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