Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

[Wayne Little]

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women.
They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are
just grateful.

 

[RabidAlien]

 

[Lucky13]

Inflight Refueler

A man in a pub that takes his beer with his when he goes to the gents and drinks it while having a pee.

'- Right I'm off for a slash.

- I'll look after your pint mate.

- No it's OK I am an inflight refueler.'


Double-Chipping

When a house guest reaches into a bag of chips and eats some. Then licks all over their hands, then reaches into the bag and eats some more chips, Double-Chipping.

Me and a buddy were eating Hot Cheetos but he kept "Double-Chipping"


Establish a Beachhead

Military term now used to describe the act of positioning oneself and one's crew at the front of the bar to ensure primo cocktail service and quality lay of the land.

Terry and Karl agreed to get to the bar early to establish a beachhead.

 

[vikingBerserker]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[B-17engineer]

I did a few Mad Libs online...fill in the blanks without seeing whats written they came out like this


Dear Terry,

You are extremly Smelly and I Fast you! I want kiss your Arm Seven times. You make my Store burn with desire. When I first saw you, I Shockingly stared at you and fell in love. Will you Spit out with me? Don`t let your parents discourage you, Jan's are just jealous.

Yours forever, Wayne

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sweetheart,

I lay awake all House thinking of you, your Smelly smile, and our Dog in the Chile. Surprisingly , I recall our meeting, how my heart Rubbed with Barn when I first saw you. How Slimy you looked in that Blue Grocery Store and those two Disgusting Pants on your Legs!

I cherished every moment we were together and was Thinkable when our date came to a close. I can`t say how Regardless I regret spilling Beer on your Jaw; you were Brash about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you`re Brash.

You`re Accurate most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of Vodka , warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as Mistakes. Your lips are like succulent Sausages . Your hair is Pink like a Horse on a summer`s day.

I can`t wait to Taste with you again. Write soon.

Contemplatively,

Your Friend
---------------------------

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[B-17engineer]

hahahah

I like the first one.

 

[Airframes]

I think Harrison has been at Jan's Guinness stash !!

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

I think maybe one of his soccer team mates kicked him in the head.

 

[T Bolt]

 

[Wayne Little]

I think maybe one of his soccer team mates kicked him in the head.

Most likely.....

 

[Wayne Little]

blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office
for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow.
She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does.

The brunette gets some extra gardening done,
the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes
home to find her husband having sex with the female boss!

She quietly sneaks out of the house and comes back at her normal time.

The next day the brunette says, "That was fun, we should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

 

[v2]

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

 

[Wayne Little]

ROFL !

 

[RabidAlien]

 

[Loiner]

, I like it.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

 

[vikingBerserker]