Quotes and Jokes

[Maestro]

 

[Wayne Little]

NEVER SAY TO A COP

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me.
Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed,
have you been eating doughnuts?"

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

A friend of mine got pulled over and here is how the conversation went.
Officer: License and registration please.
J:Ok.
O:Mr. -------- do you know why I pulled you over?
J: You wanted a kiss?
The officer handed him his license back and left.

 

[RabidAlien]

A friend of mine got pulled over and here is how the conversation went.
Officer: License and registration please.
J:Ok.
O:Mr. -------- do you know why I pulled you over?
J: You wanted a kiss?
The officer handed him his license back and left.

ROTFLMBO!!!!

 

[vikingBerserker]

LMAO NICE!!!!

 

[Maestro]

 

[Maestro]

A word of phylosophy : If everyone hates you because you are paranoïd... Hey, you no longer are !

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[syscom3]

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

_______________________________________

"Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death,
I Shall Fear No Evil.
For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot )
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A Navigator's Definition of Latitude Longitude:
Latitude is Where We are Lost,

Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!
USAF Navi-guesser
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter --
however, it's probably unsafe in any case "
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, ... The pilot dies."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
and "Oh ****!"
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" Airspeed, altitude, and brains.
Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation.
We never left one up there!"
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked
when it takes FULL power to taxi to the terminal."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "Beats the **** outta me, I just got here myself."

 

[RabidAlien]

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "Beats the **** outta me, I just got here myself."

My favorite one!

 

[vikingBerserker]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Maestro]

 

[Maestro]

On the same note, the most famous expressions (or last words) heard on the road are :

"Where are the brakes ?"
"Oh, sh*t !"
"Hold my beer and watch this..."

 

[vikingBerserker]

I thought the 3rd one was only heard in the Southern US!

 

[Loiner]

I like this one:

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes FULL power to taxi to the terminal."

... I could see it being very useful advice to someone like Homer Simpson.

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Wayne Little]