Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
ROTFLMBO!!!
Loiner
Senior Airman
The people in Dubai don't really like 'The Flintstones' ....
but .. the people in Abu Dhabi do !!!
but .. the people in Abu Dhabi do !!!
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Maestro
Master Sergeant
You may or may not agree with the political message of that clip, but I think it is funny... So what the hell ?
Besides, I always knew Doctor Doogie was gay...
"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from FOD Team, Jack Black, Craig Robinson, John C Reilly, Rashida Jones, Sarah Chalke, Shauna O'Toole, Dustin Bowser, and Brad
What would Hollywood be without cocaine ?
Besides, I always knew Doctor Doogie was gay...
"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from FOD Team, Jack Black, Craig Robinson, John C Reilly, Rashida Jones, Sarah Chalke, Shauna O'Toole, Dustin Bowser, and Brad
What would Hollywood be without cocaine ?
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
BikerBabe
Senior Master Sergeant
I'm just sitting here wondering why Kamikaze pilots wore a helmet, when they took off on their final missions...
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied,
"Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied,
"Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
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Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
wheelsup_cavu
1st Sergeant
Wheels
Maestro
Master Sergeant
Last edited:
evangilder
"Shooter"
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burnt out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic.
He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say, " I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler.
He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say, " I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
********************
Text Messaging for the Elderly:
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CGU: Can't Get Up
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Betablockers
FYI: For Your Indigestion
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
GOML: Get Off My Lawn
GTG: Got To Groan
IMHMO: In My HMO
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
JK: Just Kvetching
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
MGAD: My Grandson's A Doctor
MILTF: Meal I'd Like To Forget
OMG: Ouch, My Groin!
OMG: Oye, My Grandchildren!
ROFL CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing, and Can't Get Up
RULKM: Are You Leaving Kids Money?
SUS: Speak Up, Sonny
TGIF: Thank Goodness It's Four (Four O'Clock - Early Bird Special)
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WIWYA: When I Was Your Age
WTF: Wet The Furniture
WTF: What's Today's Fish?
mikewint
Captain
RA, you know just because you young whippersnappers think old is funny.....
