Quotes and Jokes

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.The daughter said to her mother,
'My hands are freezing cold.'

The mother replied,
'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'

The girl replied,
'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.'

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said,
My nose is cold.'

The girl replied
'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'

He did and warmed his nose.

The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said,
'My 'old man'...edited !.. is frozen solid.'

The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she asks,
'Have you ever heard of an 'old man'?'

Concerned the mother said,
'Why yes..... why do you ask?'

The daughter replies,

'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!!!'
 
The graveside service

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said,

'Well......she's there.'

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Wheels
 
Waste? WASTE??? C'mon...the thing went *ding*!!!! That's, like, the PEAK of technological innovation! Its one step beyond the machine in the hospital in "The Meaning of Life" by Monty Python....that one only went *bing*.
 

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