vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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This guy and his wife are strolling down Michigan Avenue one night after the stores had closed. They come to the first store and there's this cute little hat in the window. So the wife goes, "Honey, can you get me that cute little hat in the window?" And the guy looks down at the price tag, then reaches into his pocket, pulls out a brick, throws it through the window, goes in and gets her the hat.
So they come to the next store and there's this cute little dress in the window. So the wife goes, "Honey, can you get me that cute little dress in the window?" And the guy looks down at the price tag, then reaches into his pocket, pulls out another brick, throws it through the window, goes in and gets her the dress.
So they come to the last store and there's this big beautiful fur coat in the window. So the wife goes, "Honey, can you get me that big beautiful fur coat in the window?" And the guy looks down at the price tag, then turns to the wife and goes, "What do you think I'm made of, bricks?"
So they come to the next store and there's this cute little dress in the window. So the wife goes, "Honey, can you get me that cute little dress in the window?" And the guy looks down at the price tag, then reaches into his pocket, pulls out another brick, throws it through the window, goes in and gets her the dress.
So they come to the last store and there's this big beautiful fur coat in the window. So the wife goes, "Honey, can you get me that big beautiful fur coat in the window?" And the guy looks down at the price tag, then turns to the wife and goes, "What do you think I'm made of, bricks?"
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
...
An Irish man went to his first American baseball game. As the first batter made a hit, fans jumped up yelling, "RUN! RUN!" The Irish man jumped up as well yelling, "Run, laddie! Run laddie!"
The next batter got up and made his hit. The fans again cheered, "RUN! RUN!"
The Irish man jumped up yelling, "Run laddie! Run laddie!"
The third batter got up got ball 1... ball 2 ... ball 3 ... ball 4. The umpire yelled, "Take your base!" The batter jogged to the base. The Irish man jumped up and yelled, "Run laddie! Run laddie!"
Another fan looked at him and said, "He does not need to run, for he has four balls!"
The Irish man's jaw dropped, and he turned and said, "Walk with pride, lad! Walk with pride!"
The next batter got up and made his hit. The fans again cheered, "RUN! RUN!"
The Irish man jumped up yelling, "Run laddie! Run laddie!"
The third batter got up got ball 1... ball 2 ... ball 3 ... ball 4. The umpire yelled, "Take your base!" The batter jogged to the base. The Irish man jumped up and yelled, "Run laddie! Run laddie!"
Another fan looked at him and said, "He does not need to run, for he has four balls!"
The Irish man's jaw dropped, and he turned and said, "Walk with pride, lad! Walk with pride!"
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO!
razor1uk
Staff Sergeant
A collection of hoots on this page guys, was the sans bollocii state trooper female...? plus nice if short run allowance/poclet money earner those kids got on to... surely protecting the public there - I mean, who's to say they could'nt also be paid by the troopers to mislead/entrap drivers into lazy speeding-ness eh?
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The previous year he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Wise father, that man is!
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
razor1uk
Staff Sergeant
Borrowed from a Radio 4 (BBC) comedy game show recently - it was in Swansea, so it had sort of a Welsh theme, hence you'll see... (yeah and my Welsh spellings aren't correct, but close to phoneticaly... ahem, apologies, I'm just an English cacci-bacch.)
a selection of the changed meanings section...
Aberystwyth - 'Me' time with music,
Glamorgan - Lipstick on your 'organ',
Penile - Caught short in Egypt,
Innuendo - Italian for suppository,
Abbergavenny - 'Have you had many in you van?'
and other bits, a lil' ditty (semi sung)...
Little David, he hid inside a microwave, and now he's just one word upon his grave. 'Bing'.
And changed names of songs to do with the economy...
Can You Loan Some Tonight,
Girls Just Wanna Have Funds,
I Need A Euro,
Shutup Your Factory,
Bring You Daughter To The Corner,
a selection of the changed meanings section...
Aberystwyth - 'Me' time with music,
Glamorgan - Lipstick on your 'organ',
Penile - Caught short in Egypt,
Innuendo - Italian for suppository,
Abbergavenny - 'Have you had many in you van?'
and other bits, a lil' ditty (semi sung)...
Little David, he hid inside a microwave, and now he's just one word upon his grave. 'Bing'.
And changed names of songs to do with the economy...
Can You Loan Some Tonight,
Girls Just Wanna Have Funds,
I Need A Euro,
Shutup Your Factory,
Bring You Daughter To The Corner,
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RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
An Iowa rancher drove in his pickup to a neighbor's farm, and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. The following conversation developed:
"Is your Dad home?"
"No, Sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No, Sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No, Sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself.
The young boy asked; "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
"Is your Dad home?"
"No, Sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No, Sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No, Sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself.
The young boy asked; "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
