Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
LMAO Javlin!
Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
A hillbilly gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father to get some tips on what to do, since he had never been with a woman before.
So he calls up his dad and asks him, "What do I do first?"
His dad says, "Take her clothes off and put her in bed. "
The hillbilly calls his dad 5 minutes later and says, "She's naked and in bed what do I do now?"
His dad says, "Take your clothes off and get in bed."
He calls back 5 minutes later and says, "I'm naked and in bed with her what do I do now?"
His dad's patience is now running out so he says, "Look son do I have to spell everything out? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees!"
The hillbilly calls up 5 mins later and says, "OK Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do now?"
So he calls up his dad and asks him, "What do I do first?"
His dad says, "Take her clothes off and put her in bed. "
The hillbilly calls his dad 5 minutes later and says, "She's naked and in bed what do I do now?"
His dad says, "Take your clothes off and get in bed."
He calls back 5 minutes later and says, "I'm naked and in bed with her what do I do now?"
His dad's patience is now running out so he says, "Look son do I have to spell everything out? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees!"
The hillbilly calls up 5 mins later and says, "OK Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do now?"
Crimea_River
Marshal
FLUSH!!!!
Crimea_River
Marshal
Three old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."
The second old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time."
The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today."
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I've been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it."
The first old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."
The second old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time."
The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today."
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I've been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it."
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Cool, so now I have a term for the way I play!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
I'm right there with you David.
Awesome on the tanker...
Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. You still have sex – occasionally - and if you do, you only have it in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'F you'.
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. He/she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And last, but not least.
The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex. * You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. You still have sex – occasionally - and if you do, you only have it in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'F you'.
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. He/she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And last, but not least.
The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex. * You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO!
Crimea_River
Marshal
I feel that I have regular career sex.
Every day I come home feeling that I've been screwed but I can't remember how.
Every day I come home feeling that I've been screwed but I can't remember how.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
I knew that it was a law for it!!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
A-FRICKEN-MEN!!!!!!!!!
