wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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Catch22
Major
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Man....waste of a perfectly good driver.
I agree.
How to recogize that a blonde secretary was working on a PC?
The keyboard doesn't work and all monitor screen is smeared with a correction fluid.
And how to recoginze that two blonde secretaries were working on the PC?
The keyboard is still like above but there are scratched letters on the smeared with the correction fluid monitor screen.
How to recogize that a blonde secretary was working on a PC?
The keyboard doesn't work and all monitor screen is smeared with a correction fluid.
And how to recoginze that two blonde secretaries were working on the PC?
The keyboard is still like above but there are scratched letters on the smeared with the correction fluid monitor screen.
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour. The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that $hit?'
pbfoot
1st Lieutenant
What do you call a smart blonde
a golden retriever
a golden retriever
Cota1992
Senior Airman
Feckless First Aid...
Ole staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy Sven. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife Lena. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Ole sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of band-Aids and began putting a band-aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty band-aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Ole woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Lena staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Ole?"
Ole said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Lena said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly...
"It's all those band-aids stuck on the hall mirror.
"
Ole staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy Sven. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife Lena. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Ole sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of band-Aids and began putting a band-aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty band-aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Ole woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Lena staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Ole?"
Ole said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Lena said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly...
"It's all those band-aids stuck on the hall mirror.
"
B-17engineer
Colonel
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
Friend just emailed me this....don't know if its true but it sure is funny!
BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.
This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me .)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.
This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me .)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Lawyers....
