Quotes and Jokes
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Maestro
Master Sergeant
Here's something funny I found on youtube. Warning: profanity
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QyYaPWasos
BikerBabe
Senior Master Sergeant
Lame, funny and outright hilarious Facebook-updates:
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
ScOoTeR1992
Senior Airman
Maestro
Master Sergeant
I laughed so hard while watching the following video that I just had to share it. I don't know if it is an actual condom commercial or a parody, but it sure is funny as hell.
Although it is in no way worse than BB's BJ joke a few pages back, I wish to warn everyone that this video contains suggestive graphical content.
I assume that if it managed to stay on YouTube for so long, it must be good enough for this forum. But I prefer to stay on the safe side by giving out a warning.
WARNING : Video with suggestive graphical content. Do not click the link if you are easily offended.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBr98Nji-mA
Although it is in no way worse than BB's BJ joke a few pages back, I wish to warn everyone that this video contains suggestive graphical content.
I assume that if it managed to stay on YouTube for so long, it must be good enough for this forum. But I prefer to stay on the safe side by giving out a warning.
WARNING : Video with suggestive graphical content. Do not click the link if you are easily offended.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBr98Nji-mA
Last edited:
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Vassili Zaitzev
Master Sergeant
Haha!
Haha!
beaupower32
Tech Sergeant
chicken and egg in bed, chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying"i guess we answered that question"
Here are some Text Messages that people have received.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets
she was giving me a bj and i farted, she gave me a high five and kept going.
Met hot chick at bar. Went to her place. bumped uglies for like an hour. Played HER xbox, while getting a bj. bumped uglies again. More xbox and bj. Fell asleep, and what do I wake up to? freakin pancakes... with chocolate chips. I'm in love...
Here are some Text Messages that people have received.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets
she was giving me a bj and i farted, she gave me a high five and kept going.
Met hot chick at bar. Went to her place. bumped uglies for like an hour. Played HER xbox, while getting a bj. bumped uglies again. More xbox and bj. Fell asleep, and what do I wake up to? freakin pancakes... with chocolate chips. I'm in love...
Last edited:
ccheese
Member In Perpetuity
Another blonde joke.....
There were three men on a scaffold working on the 20th floor of a building; an Irishman,
an Englishman and a man who just happened to be a blonde.
At lunchtime, the Irishman opens his lunch box and declares, "Not corn beef cabbage again !
If I get corn beef and cabbage one more time I'm going to jump off of this scaffold."
The Englishman opens his lunch box and says, "On No.... not fish chips again..... If I get
fish chips one more time, I'm going to jump off of this scaffold."
The blonde opens his lunch bag and says, "Not bologna again.... if I get bologna one more
time I'm going to jump off this scaffold."
The next day each man opened his lunch to find corn beef for the Irishman, fish chips
for the Englishman and bologna for the blonde. Each proceeded to throw himself off the scaffold, which resulted in their deaths.
At their funerals, the wife of the Irishman said, "If I had known, I would not have fixed him
corn beef and cabbage."
The wife of the Englishman said," If I had known I would not have fixed him fish chips."
The wife of the blonde said, "Don't look at me.... he fixed his own lunch !"
Charles
There were three men on a scaffold working on the 20th floor of a building; an Irishman,
an Englishman and a man who just happened to be a blonde.
At lunchtime, the Irishman opens his lunch box and declares, "Not corn beef cabbage again !
If I get corn beef and cabbage one more time I'm going to jump off of this scaffold."
The Englishman opens his lunch box and says, "On No.... not fish chips again..... If I get
fish chips one more time, I'm going to jump off of this scaffold."
The blonde opens his lunch bag and says, "Not bologna again.... if I get bologna one more
time I'm going to jump off this scaffold."
The next day each man opened his lunch to find corn beef for the Irishman, fish chips
for the Englishman and bologna for the blonde. Each proceeded to throw himself off the scaffold, which resulted in their deaths.
At their funerals, the wife of the Irishman said, "If I had known, I would not have fixed him
corn beef and cabbage."
The wife of the Englishman said," If I had known I would not have fixed him fish chips."
The wife of the blonde said, "Don't look at me.... he fixed his own lunch !"
Charles
- Thread starter
- #2,433
"So, a blonde fighter pilot was flying in a two ship one day. She was flying her heading just fine, when all of a sudden her wingman called, "We have Migs coming in at 6 o'clock!" She quickly took a thought, looked at her watch and said, "It's okay! It's only 5:30!"
Damn Blondes....
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
The Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Maestro
Master Sergeant
