Quotes and Jokes (6 Viewers)
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cougar32d
Airman 1st Class
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded, and in a booming voice the Lord said "Because you have been faithful to me, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there whenever I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormity of the undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust all of the natural resources. It is hard for me to justify your desire for Worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. How she feels inside, what she's thinking when she's silent? Why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how to make her truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there whenever I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormity of the undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust all of the natural resources. It is hard for me to justify your desire for Worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. How she feels inside, what she's thinking when she's silent? Why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how to make her truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
beaupower32
Tech Sergeant
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Wife; would you like me to slip into something more comfortable?
Husband; how about a coma?
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
B-17engineer
Colonel
"A man never finds his true happiness until he is married, then it is too late."
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Got this today.
Bottle of Merlot
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman
sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman
who is seated over there.'.... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then
decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and
conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in
your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He
folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the
lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a
Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several
garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch
in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and
portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three
inches. Just send the wine back..
Bottle of Merlot
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman
sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman
who is seated over there.'.... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then
decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and
conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in
your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He
folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the
lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a
Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several
garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch
in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and
portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three
inches. Just send the wine back..
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
beaupower32
Tech Sergeant
This is my favorite comic, Pearls before Swine. My favorite are the crocodiles, rat, and pig. Ever get a chance look it up and read some.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
B-17engineer
Colonel
ha ha
BikerBabe
Senior Master Sergeant
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQHX-SjgQvQ in norwegian, but with english subtitles - I love it!
