Lucky13
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A bit different from the twister I'm used to...but just as fun! 
Quotes and Jokes
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Maestro
Master Sergeant
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?!" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "Twenty dollars for contempt of court. That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now"
The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
today'sTHOT============================
A person who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?!" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "Twenty dollars for contempt of court. That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now"
The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
today'sTHOT============================
A person who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'
'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'
'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'
'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Nope...just when it's raining.'
Maestro
Master Sergeant
Maestro
Master Sergeant
To stay on the unfaithful wives tracks...
Three guys meet up in a bar. The first one tells the others : "I think my wife is cheating on me with a mechanic... Last night, I found oil under the bed."
The second replies : "I think my wife is cheating on me with a carpenter... Last night, I found sawdust under the bed."
The third replies : "I think my wife is cheating on me with an horse..."
"Why ?" asks one of the men.
"Last night, I found a cowboy under the bed."
Three guys meet up in a bar. The first one tells the others : "I think my wife is cheating on me with a mechanic... Last night, I found oil under the bed."
The second replies : "I think my wife is cheating on me with a carpenter... Last night, I found sawdust under the bed."
The third replies : "I think my wife is cheating on me with an horse..."
"Why ?" asks one of the men.
"Last night, I found a cowboy under the bed."
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
T Bolt
Colonel
True story!
A guy I know who is a plumber told me this happened to him:
My friend goes out on a service call and the guy who owns the home lets him in and tells him the toilet is stopped up. He goes to work with his drain snake and clears the clog and six or eight condoms come up. He tells the home owner everything's fixed and takes his check as he warns the guy not to flush condoms because that's the cause of the clog. All of the sudden the homeowner turns red and starts shaking with anger and my buddy gets worried as he's a little guy and this guy is pretty big and between him and the door. He's thinking or how to get away when the home owner hands him the check and with gritted teeth tells him "I had a vasectomy two years ago"
A guy I know who is a plumber told me this happened to him:
My friend goes out on a service call and the guy who owns the home lets him in and tells him the toilet is stopped up. He goes to work with his drain snake and clears the clog and six or eight condoms come up. He tells the home owner everything's fixed and takes his check as he warns the guy not to flush condoms because that's the cause of the clog. All of the sudden the homeowner turns red and starts shaking with anger and my buddy gets worried as he's a little guy and this guy is pretty big and between him and the door. He's thinking or how to get away when the home owner hands him the check and with gritted teeth tells him "I had a vasectomy two years ago"
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Wouldn't like to be 'her indoors' when she got home!!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Ooooops.....
REALLY BIG Ooooops!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Vessel........what vessel? I don't see no vessel.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Yer pullin my leg. What Australian Navy? I don't see no Navy, and I've been staring at that pic for 20 minutes now!
Well bugger me.....It really works!
Big oops on the first one! She certainly had it coming though.
