Maestro
Master Sergeant
Big oops on the first one! She certainly had it coming though.
Could have been worst for the girl, though...
"Honey, I've got a great news : I'm pregnant !"
"I'm f*cking sterile, you dirty bitch !"
Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter v2
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
Could have been worst for the girl, though...
"Honey, I've got a great news : I'm pregnant !"
"I'm f*cking sterile, you dirty bitch !"
beaupower32
Tech Sergeant
Thats the second picture that someone has posted stating there is a boat. I dont see no stinkin boat.
Nice ones btw.
Nice ones btw.
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
I must now, in every possibly way and srongly so, point out that, I am not in any way an alcoholic!
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day"
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live."
"I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks"
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
"It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the wine, or any other reason."
"It's like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where your going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice."
"Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough."
"Responsible Drinking? Now that's an Oxymoron."
"When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place."
"Drunkenness is temporary suicide: the happiness that it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessation of unhappiness"
"Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
"Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer"
"Well, people got attatched. Once you cut the umbilical cord they attatched to the other things. Sight, sound, sex, money, mirages, mothers, m*sturbation, murder, and Monday morning hangovers."
"My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them."
Now, Who's up for a pint or three?
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day"
"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live."
"I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks"
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
"It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the wine, or any other reason."
"It's like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where your going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice."
"Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough."
"Responsible Drinking? Now that's an Oxymoron."
"When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place."
"Drunkenness is temporary suicide: the happiness that it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessation of unhappiness"
"Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
"Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer"
"Well, people got attatched. Once you cut the umbilical cord they attatched to the other things. Sight, sound, sex, money, mirages, mothers, m*sturbation, murder, and Monday morning hangovers."
"My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them."
Now, Who's up for a pint or three?
The first sign of being an alcoholic is denial of being an alcoholic
T Bolt
Colonel
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
But Jan isn't as thunk as he drinks he is! And what's all this BS about a vessel and Australian Navy? AGAIN I can't see a boat, ship, canoe, kyak, or any other sort of vessel!
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
HAPPY STAR WARS DAY, y'all! Yup, its unofficially Star Wars Day here in the US. May the Fourth be with you!
During a recent company password audit, it was found that a blonde secretary
was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySydney"
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told her password had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySydney"
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told her password had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
He he he....
Funnier when Sydney isn't even the capital.
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
WAYNE!?
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Busted!
C'mon...Sydney is the Capital of New South Wales....you Guys!
True, but it isn't the overall capital
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
A tired mom opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what you can."
"To be sure," said the beleaguered woman, "I'll give you two boys, two girls, OR one of each."
"To be sure," said the beleaguered woman, "I'll give you two boys, two girls, OR one of each."
ccheese
Member In Perpetuity
Couldn't pass this one up.....
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.
One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives,
and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to
Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.'
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed
and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at
all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'
Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding
flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'
'Who is it', asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'
'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,'insisted the voice.
'Rose! Where are you?'
'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'
'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.
"The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of
our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play
softball all we want, and we never get tired.' 'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams!
So what's the bad news?'
'You're pitching Tuesday.'
Charles
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.
One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives,
and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to
Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.'
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed
and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at
all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'
Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding
flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'
'Who is it', asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'
'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,'insisted the voice.
'Rose! Where are you?'
'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'
'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.
"The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of
our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play
softball all we want, and we never get tired.' 'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams!
So what's the bad news?'
'You're pitching Tuesday.'
Charles
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Great one Charles!!
