Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)

[syscom3]

So I was in the McDonald's drive-through this morning and the lady behind me honked at me and flipped me off because I was taking to long to order.
So I paid for her food.
I moved up and she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me because the teller told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed.
When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipts and took her food too!
I paid for it, it's mine! Now she has to wait even longer.
She gonna learn today!

 

[vikingBerserker]

I so miss Windows 3.1 ..................

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

So I was in the McDonald's drive-through this morning and the lady behind me honked at me and flipped me off because I was taking to long to order.
So I paid for her food.
I moved up and she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me because the teller told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed.
When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipts and took her food too!
I paid for it, it's mine! Now she has to wait even longer.
She gonna learn today!

Lol

 

[Wurger]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[javlin]

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him without mercy. From morning 'til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.

Immediately, his wife began pestering him. Complain, nag, nag, it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head and killed her on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.

When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale. "

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[Wurger]

 

[syscom3]

Easy Like Sunday Morning

The Substitute Priest:
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.
The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.
The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. After a few minutes a woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
The priest asks, "What did you do?"
The woman says, "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."
A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.
He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Man: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Rabbi: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once."
Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Airframes]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Capt. Vick]

 

[Marcel]

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bloodbank.
The rabbit says: "I might be a type O"

 

[Airframes]

That took a minute or two to sink in !

 

[Crimea_River]

Two minutes and counting.....I'm not getting it.

 

[Airframes]

Rabbit / Rabbi - typo.