Quotes and Jokes
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Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
ROFLMAO!
Civettone
Tech Sergeant
Some Yo mama so fat jokes ...
Yo mama so fat,
she stepped on a scale and it said "to be continued"
Yo mama so fat,
she got baptized at Sea World
Yo mama so fat,
she fell in love and broke it.
Kris
Yo mama so fat,
she stepped on a scale and it said "to be continued"
Yo mama so fat,
she got baptized at Sea World
Yo mama so fat,
she fell in love and broke it.
Kris
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money, love to hunt and fish, and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money, love to hunt and fish, and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
sabrina
Airman 1st Class
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
BikerBabe
Senior Master Sergeant
Well guys and girls, today's question:
Have you ever wondered if Mom ever gave Dad a BJ before kissing you goodnight when you were a kid???
B-17engineer
Colonel
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that's gross................. 
I hope not.....
I hope not.....
B-17engineer
Colonel
Now I am the Mentor Wojtek...
No. Your not suppose to laugh. That's just plain wrong! Well if your the one being kissed...
No. Your not suppose to laugh. That's just plain wrong! Well if your the one being kissed...
B-17engineer
Colonel
EVERYONE READS BB's FIRST. READ MINE SECONDLY.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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BB that is just wrong
BikerBabe
Senior Master Sergeant
Gnomey - I know, that's why I think it's hilarious! 
That little joke had me totally in stitches here, I tell you!
The worse, the better! 
B-17: 
Eat that, hubby@joke!
That little joke had me totally in stitches here, I tell you!
The worse, the better!
B-17:
Eat that, hubby@joke!
B-17engineer
Colonel
I will never think of my mom the same way.......... just kidding
50th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SURPRISE:
A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,' gushed son number one ..... 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.'
'Not to worry,' said the father. 'The important thing is that we're all together today.'
Son number two arrived and announced, 'You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you...'
'It's nothing,' said the father, 'We're glad you were able to come.'
Just then the daughter arrived, 'Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything.'
After they had finished dessert, the father said, 'There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to work hard and send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.'
The three children gasped and all said, 'You mean we're bastards?'
'Yep,' said the father. 'And cheap ones too.'
A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,' gushed son number one ..... 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.'
'Not to worry,' said the father. 'The important thing is that we're all together today.'
Son number two arrived and announced, 'You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you...'
'It's nothing,' said the father, 'We're glad you were able to come.'
Just then the daughter arrived, 'Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything.'
After they had finished dessert, the father said, 'There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to work hard and send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.'
The three children gasped and all said, 'You mean we're bastards?'
'Yep,' said the father. 'And cheap ones too.'
B-17engineer
Colonel
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO NICE!
