Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

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Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
 
An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs,
Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean
conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I
guess I am a pilot.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked
women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.
When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think
about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the
old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a
lesbian.
 
v2 said:
An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs,
Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean
conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I
guess I am a pilot.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked
women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.
When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think
about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the
old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a
lesbian.
Click to expand...

Haha... I heard the same story a while back. Except that it wasn't a pilot, but a cowboy. :lol:
 
Sorry if these have been posted before.


BLACKBIRD HUMOR
In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Although they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed. "90 knots," Center replied. Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause.
As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause....
"Aspen, I show 1,742 knots." (That's about 2,005 mph)
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

MORE BLACKBIRD HUMOR
In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000 feet). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet? The pilot (obviously a sled driver), "We don't plan to go up to it; we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.

PILOT/NAVIGATOR HUMOR
A pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest, sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

HILLARY CLINTON/ARMY HUMOR
When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq, rumor has it the U.S. Army Blackhawk helicopter used to transport the Senator was given the call sign, "Broomstick One."

MILITARY AVIATION HUMOR
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ahh," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

COMMERCIAL AVIATION HUMOR
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?
Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one."

MORE COMMERCIAL AVIATION HUMOR
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

AND EVEN MORE COMMERCIAL AVIATION HUMOR
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL: "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
FLIGHT 2341: "But Center, we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?
 
From an emai:

Lenora, 95-years-old and in excellent health, confided that she was terribly worried: "Every one of my friends has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where *I* went!"



today'sTHOT============================

A penny saved is just another thing for the cat to knock off of the dresser.







*************************************

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